2001-09-27 | 6:47 p.m.

corduroy licorice would always forgive and forget. "did i let terrence off the hook for eating my leftover paella without permission?" corduroy would muse. "i can't recall." he once forgave an ex-girlfriend for breaking up with him on five separate occasions.

***

sometimes i am visited by the press in my home.

it must be faced. i live a fascinating, provocative and invigorating life. many are obsessed with my movements, the clothing i choose to wear to gala events, the homes i reside in, my romantic imbroglios.

this is the life of a celebrity.

today i was interviewed by a certain glossy "lifestyle" book (that's what they call magazines in the biz, you know). i thought you might be delighted to be privy to some of our discussion. below are excerpts from our tete-a-tete. do enjoy! perhaps you might like to prepare a chilled beverage topped with a spring of mint to quaff as you read on. just a thought, loves.

interviewer: "ms. nictate, as a celebrity of your caliber, are you treated to outstanding customer service wherever you shop?"

nictate: "well, jill, surprisingly enough, no. why just recently i tried to get my signature lipstick shade at a well-known department store that makes quite a fuss about their top-notch service. imagine my surprise when two weeks and two phone calls from me(!) later, i spoke to the girl assigned to my case. she said 'oh, i couldn't find it at any other store.' mkay...was i supposed to just pick that up off of her brain waves? brain waves which i'm sure are not broadband to begin with? sigh, i must, and sigh again."

i: "shocking, really. ms. nictate, if you were to pick a favorite actor...who would it be?"

n: "great question, jill. after all, i'm quite the film buff. my first thought would be cary grant. you know, he really quantified comedic genius in a charming leading man. good looks and funny are odd bedfellows. to say nothing of dyan cannon. of course, steve buscemi is winning a place in my heart. not only for his wonderful performance in 'ghost world,' but for his humanitarian efforts in nyc. do you know he used to be a firefighter in the big apple and actually put on gear and got into the rubble to help in the relief efforts after the tragedy? it's true. i heard it on stern. knife fight in vermont or no, that boy has it going on. not to mention his hilarious druken best man speech in 'the wedding singer.' it's a pleasure to blow his horn...so to speak. and mr. pink...please! cary better watch his back."

i: "and ms. nictate...i suppose with your stunning beauty you must often be approached by amorous suitors, no?"

n: "jill, i have to be honest. just this week the cashier at a lovely little pizzeria near my nictate films production office told me i made him nervous. isn't that just QUAINT?! well, i never!"

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