2001-08-09 | 6:46 p.m.

corduroy licorice could run, but he couldn't hide. not even when he wore camoflage.

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our top story tonight: online dating boy update. senseless idiocy in the southland.

so here's the scoop, chitlins.

me and online boy are IMing this evening and he mentions how he will have to work all weekend and can't go out at night because he doesn't want to get home after the people he is staying with go to sleep. and i'm thinking...mmmkay. perhaps an excuse could be lamer, but i doubt it.

so i decide to cut to the chase and let him know that if he feels like backing off in our dating scenario, that's cool by me. just let me know.

he responds, oh no, it's been great getting to know you and i enjoy spending time with you and i hope my time constraints don't come off as neglect.

well, yes, they do. and perhaps a dash of intimacy issues thrown in for seasoning, darling boy. but i digress!

so we're typing out our feelings in an open dialogue via the internet (so aughts!), and he is saying that he can be enigmatic, but he is a swell guy if i just give him a chance.

so i'm feeling better about things...mostly because i said what was on my mind...not the most frequent occurence with moi. also, even though i was prepared for him to kick me to the curb, i was impressed that he took the "we have to talk" moment i sprung on him in stride.

so things are looking a bit healthier and rosy-cheeked when suddenly, as i was still typing "thanks for hearing me out. i really appreciate your thoughtfulness..." he sends me a link.

oooookay. so i click on the link. this better be good, i'm thinking.

it's a link to a page describing a japanese game where the object is for the player to stick his finger up a virtual woman's rectum and manipulate it as she makes various faces on-screen. in a photo promoting the game, there was a woman dressed as a giant foam hand with a pointing finger and a guy dressed as a giant foam piece of shit.

ok. i get it. that's funny and odd. those crazy japanese! what will they think of next?! but d'ya think that's the best link to forward during a "are we still going out?" discussion? even if it was intended for comic relief? man, we were talking about someone possibly getting dumped, not someone taking a dump.

at first i was taken aback. then i burst out laughing. how could a guy be so utterly dumb? talk about egregious. my, my, my. little did he know that link pointed to the crux of the problema aqui.

yes, doctor, i believe we've found the source of the pain and irritation. the male subject has contracted cluelessness and it seems that the damage has progressed to a point where recovery is impossible. prognosis negative.

forget about the game where you put your finger up a woman's ass, dude...you should be more worried about getting your head out of yours.

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