2001-08-08 | 6:23 p.m.

corduroy licorice knew that every man has his price, so he bought his neighbor, mr. havisham, for $870. mrs. havisham was glad to make the deal, as the upholstery in her ford fairlane was aching to be replaced.

***

dun dunda dun. dun dunda dun daaaaa.

this is the city.

los angeles.

i'm a cop.

the name is nictate.

the story you are about to read is true. the names have been changed for your sanitary protection.

a moving violation took place on the night of friday, august 10. a cell phone call was received by a young woman of indeterminate age at 15:00.

the caller was someone she knew. a romantic interest of sorts. they'd met through an online dating service. that type of thing is popular with the young folks nowadays. or so i'm told.

they'd gone on a few dates. he'd met some of her friends and seemed to check out. fun was being had. conversations. what dr. joyce would call "bonding."

then the guy flakes a couple of times. pulls a kelloggs on the dame. she ain't none too pleased, but she brushes it off.

then the guy makes a dumb comment on a women's hair trend from the recent past...the flip. says it looks like marlo thomas or florence henderson and who would like to look like "that girl" or mrs. brady?

the girl doesn't need to look in a mirror to notice she's got a flip hairstyle. the girl thinks, "what the funk? does he have bad eyesight or bad manners? either way it's bad news. i know we've sat across from each other at dinner for a couple of hours. enough time for him to notice the convex curve of my hair tips. what up wit dat?"

i didn't know what to tell the girl. in all my years on the force, i'd never seen anything like it. my partner tells me it's just a "dumb guy thing." i try to console the girl. she seems to buy it. maybe the guy deserves the benefit of the doubt. then again, prison is full of innocent criminals.

i'm not sure how this will all play out, but it's a big city and there's a thousand stories running around naked in it. too bad no one was running around naked in this one.

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