2001-04-12 | 1:31 a.m.

corduroy licorice would lose his temper at the drop of a hat. nothing pissed him off more than when headgear was handled shabbily.

***

i just saw the movie blow and boy did it. boooooooooooring as hell. i had read a review saying it was derivative of scorcese, but all i know is that it sucked oysters on the half shell.

i was really distracted by johnny depp's parade of awful wigs. my gosh, they have all that CGI technology in hollywood that can bring dinosaurs to life and make aliens jump out of small intestines, but they can't get a decent-looking hairpiece for a former 21 jump street teen idol? his fake gut was just as bad. plus, his mom looking about three years older than him wasn't helping.

the one highlight of the movie was penelope cruz. she is so cool-looking and a great actress. she got to take a few bites out of the scenery. oh, and the tv ad. that was very cool, sexy and smooth. the movie wasn't any of the things the commercial pumped it up to be.

the story was a retread of so many other drug stories, but there was nothing to make it fresh. a review i read mentioned scarface, boogie nights and good fellas as examples of the same kind of tale told better, and i heartily agree. watch those instead. to add insult to injury, the ticket was $9! a new high...or low? life is so darn expensive.

***

from the freaky coincidence file, tv zero discussed his feelings of paranoia the same day i was sharing his fear. he says he's kinda empathetically psychic, so maybe that's the explanation. anyway, in his entry above he mentions being afraid that co-worker friends are talking about him/making fun of him behind his back. i was dealing with the same paranoia yesterday.

the other night i went to see an art show with a couple of co-workers. they had been planning the trip together and invited me as a last minute thing. it was a fun night. the exhibit was really cool...full of japanese pop art which is my thang of late. plus, it was really inspiring to look at art and revel in other people's incredible creativity.

so, back to reveling in the paranoia. yes. well, we were eating dinner afterwards and the girl-half of my art-viewing partners asked me, "so nictate, where do you go at lunch? i mean, do you go to the same places all the time or what?"

i should preface this with the comment that tv zero himself asked me this same question months ago. the thing the two inquiries had in common was the kind of hushed trepidation in the tone of their voices...like they might be infringing on my privacy regarding my mysterious eating habits...as if they were asking a homicidal madman where he hid his victims. ok. i know that sounds paranoid, but the tone was there, dude.

so the tone revealed to me that not only was my lunch behavior curious to them, it had been discussed amongst themselves...at what length i do not know. actually, tv z told me they had talked about it...so that's a given. they see me leave alone and wonder what i might be up to. "she never has a second cup at home..."

i answered her that i go to some usual haunts, but always get things to go and then eat in my car. she and the male-half of the duo absorbed that for a moment.

"jodie foster eats in her car, too! i read it in an interview!" for some reason i felt i had to justify my antisocial habit. i guess it just seems odd to people that i don't hang out much at lunch time. lunch is my little oasis in the day. i really need a change of scenery, a gulp of fresh air and sunshine, and am too lazy/fussy to bring food from home. lunch is my mini-vacation from the hustle and bustle of work stress.

anyway, so i was reminded again that people had discussed my behavior with some curiosity. a bit later we were getting in the car to go home. she started opening the back door when i told her she could have shotgun. she held the door open for me like a chauffeur and then quipped, "this way you don't have to touch the door!" and giggled.

ouch!

i've mentioned here before that i have a touch of the OCD...obsessive/compulsive disorder. my thing is washing my hands. i'm a known germ phobe. i don't think i'm that super-freaky about it, but i guess i am because it has been noticed at the office and people poke fun at me about it.

i don't like to be the center of attention, especially for something negative like being a lunch loner or a hand washer. so last night i felt all creeped out and sad that i might be spoken of behind my booty as a minor freak at the office. it made me feel like pulling back from people to protect myself. they don't know it hurts. they think it's all in good fun, but being teased, especially for a frailty, ain't so fun, you know?

so, tv zero...i feel your pain...or maybe you're feeling mine. i dunno. anyway. i'm just gonna wash my hands of the whole situation.

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