2001-04-12 | 3:49 a.m.

corduroy licorice's right hand didn't know what his left hand was doing. "if that's a shadow puppet you're attempting, you're failing miserably," the right told the left. "that looks nothing like a bunny. eesh!"

***

hey, if you reacted negatively to a movie based on principle, instead of "two thumbs down," you could give it this review: "two opposed thumbs." get it, like opposable thumbs. bah ha!

***

tonight on the simpsons homer becomes intelligent after a crayon accidently lodged in his brain during childhood (don't ask) was removed. the funniest scene to me was when he heard a movie-reviewing(?) radio host use a pun to rave about something horror-related. something like, "it's as good as ghoul." after hearing the wordplay, homer knowingly chuckles under his breath. heh heh. god bless that show.

***

while requesting divine benevolence upon television offerings, i would like to submit sex in the city for a heavenly nod. it is so well-written and fun to watch. they've got a great formula down and each episode is like a sweet little bon-bon that leaves you craving more.

i had only seen the first season of the show, but on easter i got to catch up on the second. check this out, my friend c-girl had this fab-u-lous idea to hire a masseuse for a day and then have a group of girls over to have a spa-at-home extravaganza. s-girl offered her lovely abode for the setting and while we took turns getting rub-downs, we munched on a breakfast buffet and watched the ultimate chick show mentioned above.

in one of the episodes, sarah jessica parker (who plays a journalist named carrie who writes a newspaper column on sex...in the city...of nyc), is talking to her date's mom. the mom compliments carrie on "putting something out there" creatively. the idea was that carrie was adding to the world through her writing. i got this little grin thinking of my little journal and how i'm kinda adding to the world in my wee way, too. all of us who are keeping journals and web logs are, and i think that's most def. we are the monkey's tuxedo. (as opposed to the cat's pajamas. another sitc quote.)

***

saturday night was a dinner-and-dancing celebration for my amazing friend p-girl. words cannot describe what a wonderful woman she is...smart, hilarious, sweet and kind-hearted...not to mention a looker. k-girl organized a great celebration. the food was incredible. the dancing was dee-lite-ful. at one point, p-girl and i bellied up to the bar. while waiting our turn, a young lad tried to belly up to us.

"hi," he grinned.

"hi," i replied.

"so, what did you do today?"

(hmmm...never heard that pick-up approach before.*)

"we celebrated my friend's birthday," i answered, pointing at p-girl.

she turned around and smiled and he asked her age.

"thirty-six," she smiled.

"no way!" he gasped. "there's no way. you look way younger." (then turning to me) "you aren't that old, too, are you?"

"not that old. ha!" chuckled p. subtext: smooth move, ex-lax.

"yep! i am," i nodded as p-girl and i slipped away gracefully. out of his earshot, i whispered to p-girl, "that's right, buddy, i'm so old i've got spider-webs in my cooch." yuk yuk yuk.

so we left when the club closed and it was funny to see this line of guys against the wall semi-desperately watching the girls go by... as if by some off-chance some girl would give them a whirl at that late date. i guess hope springs eternal in the human crotch. damn, i think i've been watching too much sex in the city. i'm talking like a cosmopolitan-sipping, big apple party girl on shore leave. sorry if i sound jaded or bitchy, but the bar scene is pretty skanky in general. i've been rejected, too, so i know it sucks. i'm just sayin'...

*i told the spa-day girls that anecdote and one of them shared that a couple of guys had used the "so, what did you do today?" line on her at a bar just the night before. it must be some new trend. i figure maxim must have done an article on sure-fire, fresh, pick-up tips. probably suggesting that this approach would be a disarming conversation starter. seems like more of a water-cooler opener than a watering-hole opener to me. another round of cosmos, barkeep!

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