2001-02-25 | 12:53 p.m.

corduroy licorice's eyes were bigger than his stomach. he kinda resembled a human koi fish.

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"...if that's how you get your jollies." "jollies" is a slang term that has fallen out of favor. won't you help bring it back into the current lexicon? it would help me get my jollies if ya did. thanks!

***

i got held up at an atm tonight, kinda. don't call the cops! the only weapon used was a smattering of freckles across a little button nose.

i guess i should explain. maybe you've seen these preteen kids who sell candy and what not to win trips to amusement parks under the guise of being involved, active and out of trouble. they carry gym bags or plastic crates stocked with tacky tins full of taffy. i saw a news report that said this was really just a clever business created by a couple of guys who use the kids to get sympathy purchases. it's probably true. it definitely works.

i saw my 12-year-old solicitor lurking with his bag as i made my withdrawal. i hoped he'd approach someone else so i could make a quick getaway. but no, he had me in the crosshairs. he spoke in a run-on sentence due to nervousness and memorization.

"hii'mpartofan organizationthathelpskidsstayout oftroubleandoffdrugsbyearning achancetogotoanamusementpark. youcouldhelpby purchasingoneoftheseitems. ihavethistin fullofsaltwatertaffyandyou canreusethecontainer forabankafterwards."

he described and displayed one of each of his items across the bank sidewalk for me as he finished his pitch.

"what are the prices?" i asked.

"each thing is seven dollars...it's because we're raising money," he answered, anticipating my reaction to the overpriced goods.

"ok. i'll take the dancing baby cd," i said. as horrendous as a dancing baby cd is, it beats the heck out of a coca-cola commemorative tin full of chocolate-covered pecan doodles.

"ok. thanks," he said, as he handed me my change. "have a good night!"

it was the freckles, officer. that's what got me.

hey, pretty smart kid to approach people coming away from the atm. no "i don't have any cash" excuses, aye? he'll be selling saturns in no time...commemorative saturns full of chocolate-covered pecan doodles.

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