2000-10-02 | 03:17:20

"one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

two can be as bad as one

it's the loneliest number since the number one."

-harry nilsson

a friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend and is hurting pretty badly. my heart goes out to her. even thought it's been more than two years since desert storm dumped me, breaking-up pains are not something you forget like labor pains are said to be.

during break-ups, i always recall the line that kevin bacon's (real-life) wife (for the life of me, i can't remember her name right now...but as we all know, all points lead back to kevin bacon) said in the movie "singles": "i'm having a new emotion every five minutes."

hello! bingo! that sums up the break-up modus operandi for me perfectly. sad at the loss. angry at the misunderstandings. hopeful of finding a better match...a better love. depression at the odds of finding love ever again in all the world. curiosity about the new chapter beginning. distraught over the one that has ended. bitter. pissed. inconsolable. numb. lather. rinse. repeat.

the only good thing about breaking up is the effortless weight loss. i always lose weight at the start of a relationship and after it ends. looking down at my tummy, i can see that i need an infatuation diet, stat!

i've been lamenting for quite awhile now about singlehood. then i get on the phone and hear the pain in someone's voice that someone else has caused. the pain someone else's indecision or confusion can inflict.

this i can say for being single: you can't break-up. no one can cheat on you. no one can disappoint you in the way only a person you call "my boy/girlfriend" can.

ah, yes, there are other pains inherent in soloness...but i will hold onto the small comfort that other (usually greater) pains are spared me. i'll set that small comfort right here in the fridge next to my rice pudding. (by the way, kozy shack's rice pudding packaging's bold new look wasn't so bold after all. thankfully, they kept their promise of "same great taste!")

oh, and another thing. i've forgotten how to be a couple. serious. i'll see couple walking down the street, holding hands and happy and it seems like a foreign concept to me. hmmm...vaguely familiar. i remember liking it...but i have no idea how to replicate it again. hopefully it's like riding a bike.

i have stumbled onto another discovery just now. since labor pains are always forgotten and knowing how to ride a bike is never forgotten, labor pains and bike riding could be considered complete opposites.

see, it's revelations like that that are gonna keep me single for a good long time.

***

well, singlehood is tough. i'll give you that. but "you gotta have dreams, otherwise you're just wasting eight hours a night." - david addison, "moonlighting"

speaking of dreams, here's a sweet and dreamy girlboy list from the most sparkilicious boy in brooklyn!

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