2002-12-06 | 6:15 p.m.

on special occasions, corduroy licorice liked to provide his cat the lap of luxury: pure cream.

***

i like to buy groceries at a semi-snobby market since it carries some of my favorite goodies. the one thing it stocks that i don't enjoy is a very wealthy clientele. i usually leave the market each time thinking, "rich people suck." talk about an exaggerated sense of entitlement. the way they reach in front of my nose with no "excuse me," the way they blab into their cell phone speaker wires like a schizophrenic greek chorus along the dairy aisle. the way they look down their noses or give the thousand yard stare versus simply smiling or acknowledging any other person's existence. but even wealthy jerks can't keep me away from a top-notch, food foraging experience.

once in awhile, i see a celebrity there. well, ok, i saw judge reinhold once. but the other night i spotted a murphy brown alumnus. it was the woman who played corky on the show, faith ford. when i first saw her by the apple display, i wasn't sure. then she was behind me in the check-out line and i got a good bead on her. yep, it was corky sherwood, as i live and breathe.

i glanced back a couple of times, feeling that little disorienting buzz a nearby famous person can cause in me. i snuck a peek at her husband, who looked to be a former football pro. then i decided i should leave corky and her beau be.

when i got home, i saw something in my grocery bag that i didn't recognize. a bottle of juice. what the heck? i finally realized that some of faith's food must have jumped the little "that's mine, this is yours" rubber divider bars on the check-out conveyor belt.

i imagined her getting home and pulling a high-pitched tantrum like she would on the show, whining to her hubby with eyebrows knitted and palms opened plaintively, "what happened to my fruit juice, honey babe? it's gone! now i can't make my famous pear spritzers for the girls at brunch on sunday. hoooonnnnneeeeeeey. whadda we do now?"

check it. for a mere $3.49, i have the privilege of being able to say:

i got me corky's pear nectar.

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