2001-02-26 | 12:00 a.m.

corduroy licorice got out of the wrong side of the bed every day. it was the side against the wall, so he'd have to wedge himself between the mattress and wall and shimmy to the edge, yanking the sheets and blankets along with him--like a magic trick gone wrong. actually, corduroy licorice's whole life was like a magic trick gone wrong.

***

oy vey, i say! my work is never done at work. i'm not alone, and i'm not the one staying the latest...but that doesn't mean i can't whine!

i remember busy seasons in the past. nights when i thought making it home by the 11 p.m. rerun of friends made a successful night. tonight i missed half of that show. it's like tax season at my work. everyone is stressed and doing more than is humanly and healthfully possible. i'm damn lucky i'm sharing these awful conditions with cool people. damn lucky.

so, yeah. i'm still gonna use my license to whine.

hey, at least i got a free dinner for working late. i guess you could call it whining and dining.

***

once on seinfeld, elaine was relating a story about how she had been complaining to a friend about some problem. the friend said, "how can you complain when there are people suffering in bosnia?" elaine sighed: "can't my situation and bosnia both suck?!"

i miss that show. when it went off the air, i really lost interest in television. my interest had been waning naturally, but that was the real end. i know tv zero would kick my ass for saying so. when i was his age, i would watch all the shows every night and have conversations with my boyfriend the next day reviewing all the best punchlines: "and remember when roseanne said..." i was always up on the upcoming shows and cast names, etc., etc., but now tv takes up a neglible part of my life. i don't miss it either.

most everything on it sucks. like springsteen sang, "57 channels and nothing on."

that's me whining again, by the way.

***

saying oy vey reminded me of the time i thought of a name for proven's and ultrasparky's potential buddy show...oy fey. heh. i wish proven would come back to flatworld one day. he be funny and shit. *sniff*

ok, i'm whining again.

***

which reminds me of a tracey ullman sketch when she complains to her husband, "you never take me anywhere! i want to go to the wine country!"

"what do you mean?" he asks, "everywhere i go with you is the whine country."

***

speaking of wine, here are some helpful hints if you ever need to give someone hitting on you at a bar the brush-off in a wine-y kinda way, like...

"if i order the chardonnay, will you go away?"

"if i order a glass of cab, will you call yourself one?"

goognight.

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