2001-12-25 | 9:16 p.m.

corduroy licorice saw the writing on the wall. that's why he'd often spend hours in public restrooms. he had a thing for scatological humor and handwriting anaylsis.

***

i'm just back from my christmas trip to see the parental units. all is well in the land of beige. my mom spoiled us with cookies, cinnamon rolls and an old-fashioned turkey dinner with all the fixations. my dad kept us smiling with his wry asides. my sister kept spirits up with her merry laughter. no plum pudding, but all else was as sparkling as a dickens' fire-lit tableau.

i brought best in show on video tape for entertainment and had no idea it would be such an huge hit with the maternal unit. it's really elementary, my dear watson. their dog might as well be a third sibling. i'm finally warming up to the little furball myself (for you see, i'm missing my pet gene).

i'll borrow tiny tim's phrase of gratitude for this family o' mine: god bless us everyone!

***

so now that i've nutrasweeted you into submission, let's get to the dirty work of new year's resolutions.

i like my resolutions from last year so much, i think i'll just dust them off for another old college try. perhaps the spirit of the olympics will make me stronger, higher and faster this new year. or make that faster, thinner and nicer.

yes, i of the "i'm sorry i'm late" greek chorus wishes to be a punctual penelope for the coming year. i've had moments of non-tardiness here and there, but those were few and far between.

as far as thinner, i just need to lose a few to be more in shape. my sweet tooth is a rabid canine that must be muzzled. here's to many laps around the neighborhood and baby carrots in the fridge.

as far as nicer, well, hell, i'm just about as friggin' nice as a soul can be (humble, much?), but i need to be nicer on a much bigger scale. i'm talking global. i've been meaning to volunteer for the longest and 2002 seems as good a year as any to get off my soon-to-be-more-svelte ass and do something.

***

i know it's a bit early, but i'll wish you a happy new year's and happy resolving! thanks for sharing part of your precious rotation time on this planet with little old moi.

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