2000-06-29 | 04:59:11

what league are you in?

the major leagues? farm team? 20,000 leagues under the sea?

"she's outta your league, dude."

like i needed another reason not to like sports. this whole league thing. uh, ick.

ok, i know, i know, it's human nature. survival of the fittest and shit. supermodels date rock stars. that's just the way it is.

when i was dating vietnam, a friend of his was getting back into the world of women after a divorce. he was in a quandry about asking out this attractive, interesting girl at work. vietnam told him, "dude, your ex-wife is a honda. it's time you had a porsche." the friend embraced the theory, unsurprisingly enough. i was left thinking, "what kind of car am i? does vietnam consider me a freaking-ass honda? and why am i dating a guy who says such stupid things, and who even more stupidly, relates the stupid things he said to me with pride? like "check out my automobile analogy skillz, bizatch."

anyway, tangential. sorry. the whole league way of thinking is just a anxiety-inducing throwback to getting picked for teams in p.e. class. pick me! pick me!

and why should i be stressing about it? i should be taking the tack that no one approaches my league. i should be looking at letting a guy date me as if i was signing him up for fantasy camp. joe dimaggio, eat your heart out. only those who realize my hall-of-famer potential will be allowed to get to first base.

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