2003-04-27 | 10:46 p.m.

corduroy licorice had rocks in the head. he liked to bring a bit of nature indoors, thus the boulders and pebbles peppered about his bathroom.

***

there's a deli i frequent that is so popular, when you pull a number ticket you're bound to be at least 20 sandwich/lunchmeat/cheese orders away from being served.

this weekend i entertained myself while i waited by watching the other patrons. there was a big, blowsy blonde broad in her late 40s alongside her trim, cleopatra eye-linered daughter. the progeny had a prada bag propped upon her hip and jeans that had such a perfectly studied grandpa sag in the bottom, they must've cost the same as a side of beef.

the two appeared to be foraging to outfit an upcoming party buffet since they were purchasing lots of different meats and cheeses. the deli guy helping them kept bringing white butcher paper slices ladened with pink pork products and pale fromages. the mom would look at his offerings and send him back to add another quarter pound, over and over.

"thank yew," she said forcefully and smilelessly to his back, sounding like she had prada lungs. how she was able to turn a phrase of gratitude into one of condescension was fascinating. then she turned to chat with her daughter whose black-tagged eyes bugged slightly as she bit into a folded over piece of pepperoni, nodding as she listened raptly to her maternal unit's ramblings.

as luck would have it, i was behind them in line at the check-out, too. i noticed the girl's thonged toes were black with dirt on the tips--probably from tapping them in an ingenue-y way as she switched her weight from leg to leg in front of the deli case glass.

after cleopat paid the bill and grabbed their grocery bags, she carelessly threw out a brusque "thank yew. haveaniceday," over her shoulder to the oblivious cashier.

one thing my improv classes have taught me is that the obnoxious people one comes across in life can be robbed blind of their tics and quirks and turned into characters. it's so much more pleasant than bitch-slapping them in public (and it keeps the edamame expenses down). for that i say, "thank yew, improv. thank yew.

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