2003-02-20 | 12:06 a.m.

corduroy licorice was caught red-handed. he had been sneaking into his dad's pistachio stash all weekend and had the stained fingers to prove it.

***

since life has been giving me lemons lately, perhaps i'll make a nice meringue pie.

not only does the particularly virulent bug that sidelined me last week hang around enough to keep me up coughing at night and away from the workouts my booty needs, it decided to bestow a goodbye kiss upon my lips in the form of a heinous fever blister. sooo attractive.

then the cute date boy of last week who seemed to practically beam potential never contacted me for a second date. being of the female persuasion, of course i've analyzed any misstep i might have made. talked too much? told an iffy story? unsuspectingly gave him my horrible cold and now he hates my infectious guts? what?! i just have to say, he must have a lot of great dates to not think that was a great date. or maybe i was so entrancing, it frightened him off.

maybe he wasn't ready for this jelly?

*sigh* i must be brave and don quixote on. one day my windmill will come.

finally, and most importantly, my dad's mom, my last grandparent, passed away on tuesday. it's not as traumatic as losing a grandparent usually is. she was fading for the last couple of years mentally and physically. i was ready, whatever that means. she was ready, which is what matters. her heart wore out and she fell asleep in her home in the arms of the sweet woman who'd been her live-in caretaker for several months.

the hardest part is thinking of how hard this has been on my dad. he's been the brother who has done most of the arrangements to take care of my grandma. i can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent, even one who has lived a full life. this makes me see his frailty, which is the most rattling feeeling of all. it's like one layer of life's onion has fallen away, leaving the other layers more exposed.

today walking back from lunch, i wished for a cave to crawl into for awhile. i think that'd be a spiffy business for someone. rental caves. maybe they could have a fire pit in each and a few fur throws (faux, of course. or only the fur of really mean animals who never got along with the others. ostracized fur, you know.) the caves should be dark and slightly moist and far away from the madding crowd and the maddening parts of life. no talking. only grunts. and some peace. and quiet.

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