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2003-12-10 | 11:19 p.m.

corduroy licorice made shoe box dioramas of the night sky and the planet earth for his science project. for awhile his mom displayed them proudly in the living room, but when it came time to put up the christmas decorations she made him move heaven and earth.


just adding another story to my lucy ricardo file:

i decided to switch to a new gym since my old one was overcrowded and had a weightroom recalling a prison yard. i did a search for the soon-to-be-former gym's web site, printed out the downloadable cancellation form and sent it certified mail, just to make sure they didn't pull any funny stuff.

about a week later, i got a letter from them saying that they couldn't find me in their database. aha! just as i suspected! they were trying to delay my cancellation with red tape, so that i'd have to keep paying them for a month longer. this sent me hunting through my closet for my original membership sign-up form. i planned to send them a copy. how could they possibly question their own form?! i had them where i wanted them.

to go one better, i decided to type up a terse letter letting them know that i was nobody's fool and would be expecting a prompt response to my cancellation notice.

just before i sealed the envelope, something struck me as odd. the corporate office address listed on my membership form didn't match the address their letter had listed. was this another buying time trick of theirs? hmmm. you know, i had thought it was weird that another gym's logo was on my letter from them, but figured they were a corporate conglomerate with two chains under one umbrella.

it took a visit to both gyms' web sites to realize what i'd done.

i tried to cancel a membership to a gym i didn't belong to! (i think there's a grocho marx joke in there somewhere.)

ayechihuahua. i'd better start doing crossword puzzles to stave off this apparent onset of early senility. in my defense, both gyms have the word "fitness" in the name with two words preceding it. (is this buying me any sympathy?) thank goodness i figured it out before sending the snotty letter.

a coworker suggested that i still send the letter with a new closer: "and i'm never stepping foot in your gym again!"

or for the first time, dagnabbit!

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take a peek at these - (c) 2000-2003 nictate:

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