2003-08-26 | 11:27 p.m.

corduroy licorice was a hall monitor at his high school. when the cute blonde from algebra gave him a lame excuse for not having a paper slip granting her permission to be out of class, he knew what he had to do to win her affection and promptly made a pass.

***

my morning drive to work rarely affords me any opportunity for entertainment via my fellow commuters. most often, they are more apt to ellicit gasps of horror from me thanks to their wildly swerving lane changes that come within inches of my already sufficiently bruised bumper.

this monday morning was to be different. first off i spotted a 50-ish guy driving a wee, red MG. he was steering with one hand on the wheel since his other was being used as an impromptu visor against the glare of the morning sun. funny thing is, he was wearing a cycling hat with a brim. only the brim was turned backasswards in some kind of misguided fashion statement.

i really wanted to be stopped next to him at a light, so i could pantomime the back-to-front brim rotation and instantly solve his squint--all while making him feel like a total dumbass. it would be hard to find a more satisfying way to start a morning.

the second humorous incident involved an older lady in a modest sedan who was hesistating to make an unprotected left-hand turn at a hectic intersection.

the driver behind her kept tapping his horn whenever he felt she had missed a chance to squeeze through a gap in oncoming traffic. the funny part was the way he was obsessively squeezing and unsqueezing the life out of the rubber stressball in his window-propped left hand as if a pause in the frantic rhythm might cause him to spontaneously combust, leaving a only a fine mist to stain his corinthian leather.

***

thanks to disco dave's link luv, i was able to read this lovely, evocative entry by scrabble 747.

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