2002-08-01 | 6:47 p.m.

how did corduroy licorice like them apples? sliced and salted, thank you very much.

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how to tell if you're stressed out:

- you blow through a pack of bubble gum a day.

- you find the way people exhale to be EXTREMELY annoying.

- you guard your lunch break like a rabies-riddled, junkyard dog.

- you eat your dinner protein bar with high-fiber ire.

- you see a co-worker staring out a window at 7 p.m. and think "don't tempt yourself, kid. that world out there is for other people. not minions of the man like us."

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