2002-07-12 | 7:24 p.m.

corduroy licorice believed that absence makes the heart grow fonder. he figured if he consistently ditched school, he'd end up the teacher's pet.

***

i was just reading an article on those enron executives. boy, they were nasty f*ckers. it was like glengarry glen ross with better office furniture. the article said that ken lay is a big fan of mike milken. next thing you know, we'll find out he sleeps on martha stewart home sheets.

***

in an effort to save money i've been trying retail aversion therapy on myself. as i walk through the mall, i imagine the storefronts to be hellish infernos where the cackling salesgirls within rub their hands together greedily as they watch me pass...lusting after my wallet wad.

get thee behind me, planet funk!

***

today i spoke with a branch of the federal government. the united states postal service.

they kindly informed me that it's illegal to mail alcohol through the post. so i guess that means i won't be able to get pablo drunk on sierra nevada pale ale on his upcoming birthday. alas and alack, he will be left to his own inebriation devices. perish the thought!

***

from dictionary.com:

in�e�bri�ate ��

tr.v. in�e�bri�at�ed, in�e�bri�at�ing, in�e�bri�ates

1. to make drunk; intoxicate.

2. to exhilarate or stupefy as if with alcohol.

***

well, i just wrapped up a long work week and now i'm ready to get my exhilaration and stupefication on. may you do the same in good health.

mwah!

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