2002-07-10 | 6:02 p.m.

corduroy licorice liked to grin and bear it. wearing his grizzly costume always cheered him up.

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this summer, mime artists have been performing publically in unheard of numbers.

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people who talk on cell phones always seem to be speaking at top volume, no matter who is in their vicinity (other grocery shoppers, etc.).

maybe they should start calling them "yell phones."

or maybe it's just time for the edamame vigilante to get back on the job.

loud talkers soy annoy!

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did you hear about how baseball hero ted williams' son recently stole his dad's dead body to have it frozen so he could sell the dna?

well, tom hanks has a message for him:

"there's no cryonics in baseball!"

***

"i miss you badly"

a mean little poem by a cold-hearted wench

i miss you badly when you're out of sight,
i don't leave a light on
i don't phone or write

i miss you badly, i'm afraid
i don't dream of you nightly
i don't sigh your name

i miss you badly, my little hen
i forget our anniversary
and dance with foreign men

i miss you badly, aye, 'tis true
i can't picture your face
and rarely speak of you

i miss you badly, baby doll
yes, i miss you badly...or perhaps not at all.

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