2002-06-10 | 5:44 p.m.

corduroy licorice felt like a penny saved was a penny earned, but penny didn't. even though he rescued her from being hit by a bus, she still wouldn't accept a date with him.

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front desk funnies from mcsweeney's.

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if i was internet queen, i would tax bloggers 5 cents every time they used the word "this" in a text link. an additional 5-cent surcharge would be added if they offered little further explanation of what they were linking, e.g. "this is funny." (don't lead me on a unidentified wild click chase, mofo).

i would be so damn rich. a damn rich internet queen, i'd be. but, alas, the internet is not a monarchy.

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i wonder if anyone tried to nickname the microsoft monopoly scandal "gatesgate."

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one of my improv classmates suggested that i try stand-up comedy. i used to think about it. desert storm did it on an amateur level, and i used to get a vicarious thrill watching his performances.

i've always thought that there must be no greater high than being onstage and making people laugh. on the flip, there must be no greater humiliation than being onstage and making no one laugh. it was that double-edged sword thingee that kept me from moving past the pondering stages.

hmm...it's interesting to think about, but i don't think it's for me. oh sure, there's all the guaranteed money and fame, but what if i find out i'm allergic to brick?

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