2002-04-12 | 5:20 p.m.

corduroy licorice liked to put on the dog. he'd kept the st. bernard costume as a memento after leaving his past job on a kids' tv show. (and don't think he didn't fill that st. bernie's flask with hooch to sip on the sly.)

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my blue mood color-coordinated with the gray cloaking cloud cover today. conversely, my lunch fortune cookie message conveyed: "joyfulness will prolong your days."

confucious say, "chin up for better health."

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i saw a movie last night. a canadian movie. i saw a canadian movie last night called maelstrom by writer/director denis villeneuve. the preview trailer had really roped me in. it featured a live fish narrator, so say no more!

but, of course, i have to say more. i was a bit disappointed in the film, especially considering it won "best picture" in a canadian film competition. don't get me wrong. it was a decent film. worth seeing. just not all the bracing, imaginative wonder i'd anticipated. (was that so much to ask, aye?)

since the trailer spells out the tale, i'm not spoiling anything by telling the plot. a dress shop chain owner who is struggling in the shadow of a famous mother watches her life slowly swirl down the drain. then she hits bottom. on a druken, depressed drive home one night, she strikes a man with her bmw and he dies. she later crosses paths with her victim's son and then things really get complicated.

while there were four pure little moments that i really dug, most of the film was a rehash of film techniques that are becoming clich�d. two examples: getting jiggy with the plot's chronology and the heavy-handed use of symbols. let's just put it this way...if quentin tarantino was still working in his old video store job, maelstrom would definitely be filed in his "films that use water as a metaphor" section. fish play a large-scale role, as well, if you'll pardon the pun.

in the plus section: lovely-to-look-at leading lady marie-jose� croze, alabaster-washed cinematography, some tongue-in-cheek comic relief and those four pure moments (one of which was a close-up of a filthy foot. brilliant. you had to be there.). hmm...i guess i'm not giving it such a bad review after all. ok, ok. i liked it. alright, already. geez.

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even though he's dealing with a maelstrom of his own, pablo has still managed to fashion a hilarious quote snippet tribute to the late queen mum. do yourself a favor and check it out. here's a crumpet to whet your appetite:

"she was a trooper and she never gave up. i remember one time she was visiting a school and i asked her if she would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she left. 'no' she replied, 'i didn't give in to the nazis and i won't give in to the bladder.' that's how she was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. she pissed herself later though, it was sickening."

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happy nuptial wishes to outbox and grim, a cute, talented duo who deserve much happiness. may malice's song and toast bring the house down. huzzah!

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