2002-03-01 | 6:20 p.m.

corduroy licorice liked to stick to the story, so he'd often read novels with glue on his hands.

***

ripped from today's headlines:

pig farms get p.r. mudslinging

so this underground drug-smuggling tunnel was recently discovered on the u.s./mexico border. on the u.s. side, it emptied into a building on a pig farm.

a few days earlier, a pig farm in canada was being searched in a possible serial killer murder investigation. i hope the homicide detectives have seen snatch. guy ritchie could learn them a thing or two about pig farms' dark sides.

the online news article i read about the canadian pig farmer kept mentioning that most of the victims were "drug-addicted prostitutes." i don't know why it was necessary to specify "drug-addicted" over and over. would that be as opposed to "straight edge" prostitutes?

i know. i'm twisted.

***

this has been an interesting week.

1. i rededicated myself to losing 5 lbs. after realizing it's the only way for me to reach peak bootyliciousness. so far, it's been more about mental conditioning than actual goody deprivation, but baby steps, baby steps.

2. i decided i liked my haircut after all. for about 3 hours on wednesday. now i'm back to not liking it. it's just too choppy and pat benatary. i think i may have to break up with my hair stylist. you know, sometimes you just grow apart. the last time i went in, he was more worried about shaving his legs for his drag costume that night than perfecting the look of my locks, i'm afraid.

3. i saw my ex, desert storm, on a network tv program. he had a bit part and didn't do too bad of a job, but mon dieu...he's really gone downhill in the looks department. i know, i'm cruel to say so, but 'tis painfully true. my friend c-girl spotted him on the boob tube and gave me a call to clue me in. unfortunately, i missed the "live" broadcast, but the walking museum of television that is tv zero had not only taped it, he had the video at work. booya!

as tv z fast-forwarded to desert storm's appearance on the show, i was on my tip-toes with anticipation. it was weird to see him on the "big" screen. soon ascension and torrez popped their heads in for a look-see. all three of them have been fully briefed on the man, the myth, the mongrel, due to reading my accounts of him in this journal. they were all surprised that desert storm wasn't wearing earthtone camoflage. that's how they'd always pictured him.

i was almost embarrassed for my 3 co-viewers to see him in his rode-hard-and-put-away-wet condition. i mean, it's kind of a break-up fantasy that the ex who dissed you will get fat or arrested or something, but seeing him like that was more pathetic than cathartic. i told c-girl that i think his bitter inner being is finally manifesting itself physically.

i sent him an e-mail to congratulate him on the gig, but avoided bringing up the "to hang out or not to hang out" dilemma. for now, i'd rather just see him on TV.

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