2002-01-23 | 5:11 p.m.

corduroy licorice knew that blubbering was a far cry from wailing.

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hello, ladies and gentlemen...welcome to the second annual *nictate awards* in the beautiful dorothy were not in kansas anymore pavilion.

why look! it's winona ryder coming down the red carpet. let's see if we can get her attention. winona! winona! over here! oh, great. hi! i'm tiphany with ndc news. good to see you, doll. you look lovely in that orange jumpsuit! who made it, darling? ah, i've never heard of koren chanel facilit�. is she french? the silver bangles are to die for! hold them up for the camera! are you getting this, carl? they link from wrist to wrist! what award are you presenting, dear? ah, best stolen scene. wonderful. ok. great talking to you, winona. enjoy the show!

oh, i'm hearing from the booth it's time for the nictate awards to begin...

*cue dramatic theme music*

and the nictate awards go to...

best film of the year - the man who wasn't there - beautiful, tragic, pure (but in a different way than dancer in the dark was last year!)

best actor - billy bob thornton in the man who wasn't there - thanks for proving that sometimes less is more, bbt. honorable mention: gene hackman in the royal tenenbaums. talk about inhabiting a character. he was hilarious.

best actress - naomi watts in mulholland drive. from ditz to blitzed in 2 hours. she is a wonder

best supporting actor - steve buscemi in ghost world - talk about a loveable loser

best supporting actress - angelica huston in the royal tenenbaums - her bemused poise played the perfect counter-note in the symphony of quirkiness about her

best director - tie: baz luhrmann for moulin rouge and the coen brothers for the man who wasn't there. the former for sheer inventiveness, the latter pair for masterful subtlety

best comedy film - ameli�...charming defined

most refreshing film of the year - moulin rouge broke the rules and exploded with beauty

best "love" scene - when ameli� "melts" as her heartthrob walks away. (that's exactly how it feels.)

best foreign film - bread and tulips was so sweet and inspiring (besides ameli� has already won so many other nickies). the taste of others gets an honorable mention. audition was kick-ass, too.

best mood establishment in a film - in the mood for love was lovelier than a paper lantern and steamier than a dumpling

best "pure hollywood magic" movie - moulin rouge...no explanation needed

best screenplay - memento - christopher nolan is a backasswards ace. honorable mention: wes anderson and owen wilson for the royal tenenbaums. thanks, guys, for serving a mouth-watering nouvelle comedy dish.

best music in a movie - moulin rouge mixed songs everyone knows by heart with heartstring-tugging new work

best art direction - moulin rouge for its beaucoup beauty

best cinematography - the man who wasn't there made black and white magic

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thank you for joining us. and now a word from our sponsor:

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