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2001-10-03 | 6:09 p.m.

"that's not my cup of tea," said corduroy licorice. "i only drink out of the four-leaf clover mug, mom. you know that. geeeeeez."

***

some think that l.a. can be a shallow city. dude, they're so, like, totally right.

check it out:

"if you are ready to settle down with a 9 or 10, we need to talk."

this is the call to action from an ad for model quality introductions, inc., a company that introduces "affluent" men to "model-quality, commitment-minded women who want a lifetime partner."

guys, all you have to be is affluent. they do the rest. show them the money, they'll show you a honey.

i came across that ad after reading an article in los angeles magazine about "hollywood's hottest young things" who roam the clubs at night looking to meet.

it's all about wearing the right thing, getting past the velvet rope, and once inside, looking over the shoulder of the guy you're talking to in case someone more desirable comes in the door. it doesn't matter if during the day you live with your mom in a cramped apartment on the wrong side of the hollywood hills. if you've got the looks, and the threads, you're in.

the deal is that the guys and dolls in the scene (actors, agents, rock stars, sports celebrities, hangers-on) all keep who they are sleeping with secret. evidently no one wants to end up with someone in the scene. they're just doing and using each other until they settle down with someone normal later in life.

couples are undercover. they'll make a point to leave and arrive at clubs separately so that no one detects their connection. conversational fodder is usually limited to talking about upcoming or just-past trips or bitching about mutual acquaintances.

trippin' or bitchin', yo.

there is also an slut/angel/slut caste system that works like this:

1) girls who flirt and give out their number, but don't put out, are called sluts

2) girls who sleep around a lot discreetly are called angels

3) girls who are known to sleep around a lot are called sluts

when clubs fall out of favor, they often become populated by tourists or wannabes...nicknamed "canadians" by club management. (don't blame me, canada!)

sometimes clubs throw birthday parties for celebrities, even if they know the guest of honor is out of town, to lure shallow lovelies into their lair. if they can get a star to show, that means magazine coverage and a much-needed extended lease on a lifespan comparative to that of a mosquito.

it was a diverting article, although after reading it i felt depressed for those pretty dingbats and mack daddies dog-peddlin' in the shallow end of l.a.

makes me wanna shout, everybody out of the pool!

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take a peek at these - (c) 2000-2003 nictate:

health tip
2005-03-16

health tip
2005-03-16

moving house
2004-11-19

quibbling with quitherfeather
2004-11-17

catcher in the wry
2004-11-16