2001-09-20 | 6:50 p.m.

corduroy licorice liked to let bygones be bygones. after all, a bygone has to want to change.

***

hiya kids and fanny whistlers!

i'm a bit tired of playing the heavy. talking world politics can take a lot out of a bon vivant like meself. i'm too used to commercial breaks to deal with something bad 24-7. that's a sure way to madness, no doubt. so let's have a little fun for awhile. shall we? let's shall.

wheeeeeee!

they can't take that away from me.

***

so the other night, me and some of my pallies sat ourselves down for some food and stories. this program called spoken interludes hosts evenings in restaurants in los angeles where a buffet dinner is served and then four people read stories. sometimes the stories are read by the authors, sometimes by celebrities. this night featured one of my favorite "unknown" actors james le gros. he's kicked some serious acting butt in movies like "singles," "drugstore cowboy" and my personal favorite of his, the incredible low-key and quirky comedy called "my new gun." not only does he have great shaggy dog, heavy-lipped good looks (and also a wedding ring...doh!), he's a damn fine and subtle actor.

so james read a hilariously twisted story about a father coping with raising kids called "my two sons" by benjamin weissman (whose book of short fiction i now have to read). james did a great job bringing the sardonic prose to angsty life, as well as bringing down the house.

after the show i thought about complimenting him, but didn't want to do the "fan thing." by chance, he walked outside and crossed my path just as i was about to leave. so fan thing, i did.

"bravo!" i said, mock clapping.

"aw, thanks," responded jlg. "benjamin's great, isn't he?"

"oh, yeah, but your performance added a lot, too."

"well, you know what they say," his hand nervously running through hair as his eyes bugged out for emphasis, "if it ain't on the PAGE it ain't on the STAGE." nervous laughter and foot shifting.

i laughed. he glanced away, looking for his ride or wife or agent.

fan thing goes full-throttle:

"so i have to tell you," i begin, "i loved you in 'my new gun.' it was such a great offbeat..."

"oh, thanks," he grinned, lapsing in and out of eye contact. "you know the great thing about that movie? you can personally thank everyone who saw it."

ahaha! what a charmer. the boy has charisma packed into every inch of his 5'8'' frame.

i burst out laughing again and he grinned and kinda bobbed away looking for his someone again. i started to turn away, awkward endingly.

"thanks," he murmured to me, an afterthought.

talking to celebrities imparts a unique kind of adrenaline release. i wasn't that nervous doing it, oddly enough, but i am so glad i got to tell him how much i enjoyed his performance in that film.

***

today i was talking to a girl at work about online dating boy and his reticence in the making out arena. she said, "nictate, i think he just really likes you and is doing this out of respect. the other night when he left early because he was sleepy...another guy would have assumed he could just crash at your place. and while that might have been alright, you might still have felt a little pissed about it."

it was a moment of clarity to be sure.

no wonder it feels weird to have a romantic interest act like this...i'm not used to being treated with respect by a guy in a dating situation.

what a sad commentary on me and the guys i've dated. i'm used to being manipulated, sweet talked, taken for granted and bullied--ok, those guys from my past had great qualities, too, and i put up with/bought into all that negative stuff, so i am partly to blame for not demanding respect--but this is an unusual feeling.

i left her office with a newfound appreciation for online boy. wow! he is pretty swell and sincere. sure, he's imperfect. and ok, he might be an intimacy freak or something else....but my co-worker/amateur dating coach had handed me something really great. a new perspective that actually makes sense.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t

anyway you spell it, it feels damn good.

now i see what aretha was all fired up about.

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