9/18/01 | 10:20 p.m.

corduroy licorice got too big for his britches. one wrong move, and he would bust through the seams just like the incredible hulk.

***

to quote elton john, i'm still standing.

considering all that has happened recently, added to my personal stress of work overload times three hundred, still standing is kind of an accomplishment.

very few moments go by without me worrying about what the future holds for the world. i cringe at the presidential "ums" and cowboy threats. or the religious right latching onto this event to wag their fingers at the "liberals" and try to blame anyone but the terrorists in a close-minded and ill-informed and sickening way...apology to follow or not. sorry mr. falwell, this horrific act has nothing to do with ellen degeneres' sexual preference or helen gurley brown's right to wear a low-cut dress or demand equal pay for equal work. nice try.

i'm sorry for the military men and their families who have to deal with the fall-out of this event. i'm sorry for the innocent people in afghanistan who will be hurt or killed in military action. i worry about the economy and how long my job will be secure. i worry about my family and friends. i wonder if i'm ever going to make it to paris. i know the world will never be the same.

i got to see my sister tonight for dinner. what a breath of fresh air that was. watching her beautiful smiling face in the candlelight filled me with joy and security. it was just what i needed. and here i had left work thinking, "i shouldn't have planned this dinner...too much work. now i have to go back to the office." thank goodness i went and drank comfort and inspiration from the spirit of a sister i love so much.

i find a lot of hope in other people. especially those near and dear. thank god for hope!

***

just so you know i haven't gone all drama and politics...

i'm still dealing with mixed messages and an alarming lack of horniness from online dating boy. kind of a welcome distraction trying to figure him out, believe it or not.

when the tragedy in nyc happened, i wanted to see him and hug and kiss him for some reassurance, but it feels like we're too new to each other for me to call on him in such a needy way. bummer, man.

oh, and the movie the deep end with its weak story, bad supporting acting and dumb water motif was a real stinkerooni. save your $7.50.

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