2001-09-10 | 5:41 p.m.

corduroy licorice liked to seize the bull by the horns. the bull, not so much. fortunately, corduroy got bored with it before he got gored by it.

***

so c made a comment about how he hates aging. aging has been on my mind a lot. i just keep noticing little things about myself, like little wrinkles that weren't there before, etc., that make me feel old.

ew. i don't like it one bit. i see older women and how they've got jowls and bags and sags and realize that that's gonna be me eventually.

i once saw a great movie called "the hairdresser's husband" where the lead actress kills herself so that her husband will never have to see her age. she will always be beautiful in his memory. when i saw the movie, i was so angry at her for being so vain and stupid and selfish. but now, sadly enough, i can kinda see where she was coming from when she took a dive off a bridge and permanently paused her aging process. that whole "leave a good-looking corpse" thing.

i think it would be easier if i had children. 'cause then i'd just be looking more and more like a mom as i got older. it wouldn't even matter if i got heavier hips and a heavier purse. people might even say, "wow! she looks great after having three kids." and then, years later, "wow! she looks too young to be a grandma." yeah, i'm realizing that kids are a great excuse for looking older. they give a certain dignity to the aging process.

since i am without rug rats, i'm gonna have to dig up my dignity on my own.

it's too bad acting immature doesn't slow aging.

i don't wanna bag and sag and jowl. don't wanna! don't wanna!

on the other hand, i don't want to jump off a bridge either. and therein lies my dilemma.

***

i think i'm up to date 10 with online dating boy. a second weekend with two dates in two days. this may be a new standard of excellence. i could get use to sucking face twice a week, lemme tell you.

and check it out...even though we entered the "couch zone" he didn't get too frisky. i guess he's being respectful. maybe i intimidate him? whatever the reason, i like how slow it's going.

did i mention how good he smells.

the effect of good cologne in moderation cannot be emphasized enough.

rrrrrwwarrrrr.

i know a lot of guys turn up their noses at such nonsense.

don't be dumb, dudes. slap on some aftershave. it'll do you good. she may even do ya good.

speaking of which, i made an off-color joke in front of online boy that almost made him spew his red wine.

"you took me off-guard with that one," he said. "that's something i'd expect one of my guy friends to say."

oh, yeah? stick around, buddy. there's more where that come from.

i didn't get the nickname "potty mouth #1" for nuthin'.

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