2001-08-21 | 6:09 p.m.

corduroy licorice had a checkered past. he wore checkered pants as a toddler and a checkered fisherman's hat during most of middle school. as a young adult, he changed his stripes and starting wearing plaids.

***

rhetorical question:

how long between dates before you aren't dating anymore?

it seems that rhetorical questions and moot points must get along great at grammar cocktail parties.

how cool is it that the rick springfield hit "jessie's girl" contains the line: "...but the point is rather moot." pretty darn cool, i darn reckon.

***

i admit it. i really like vanity fair magazine. it's full of in-depth articles usually involving hollywood, sex, corruption, greed, history and death. what a good read! plus, i always feel full of conversation pieces when i put an issue down (unlike people which, not unlike a bag of flaming hot doritos, feels good going down, but leaves one with a mild sense of greasy, guilt-tinged, mental indigestion.

***

my "feeling sorry for myself" factor hit an unseasonable high on friday when my boss mock-berated me into tears when my overloaded work schedule meant something slipped by. the good news is that he, in a very clinton-esque way (minus the emphathetic lip bite), seems to now feel my pain. (my job duty doppelganger is taking a leave of absence, so my workload is about to double. tgff...thank goodness for freelancers.) the good news is, my boss not only apologized for coming down too hard on me, he told me i was doing a good job and that it's gonna be ok.

four of my favorite words:

"it's gonna be ok."

that phrase and a good cry in the company restroom did me a world of good.

***

so ascension and i are minding our own business...walking out of a late night dinner at canter's deli in l.a. (where nicolas cage threw a ketchup bottle against the wall to impress a girl in the 80s). she and i had just finished noshing after checking out a fantastic radiohead concert.

so we're walking to our car when this group of older men hanging around out front sees us approach. they parted ways to let us pass and their eyes got that deadened, yet lustful, look. one of them made a little groany noise. we tried to ignore them, although they were making comments on how we looked (complimentary in their minds, evidently, but downright icky to us). we got in the car and one of them gets our attention by pointing at the window of a furniture store nearby where a bed takes up the front display. he points to the bed and nods his head at us encouragingly.

that's the most to-the-point pick-up line i've ever experienced.

ascension rolled her window down as she lit up a clove and bed-pointer took the opportunity to approach in a more conversational manner.

"hello. where are you going? it's my friend's birthday. you're going home? no, come with us. we'll pay. you like each other? you come with us. you like each other?"

aggravated, ascension cleverly replied, "yes. we like each other. we don't like men. goodbye."

exit, stage left.

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