2001-08-02 | 7:00 p.m.

corduroy licorice had his parents eating out of his hand. this was because mr. and mrs. licorice hated silverware. they also wanted to help their son feel more involved in their lives.

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warning: if you're not down with OPP, you might not want to read on...

today ascension and i were having a lovely tamale lunch outdoors when the subject of penises came up. (i hesistate to use the word in trepidation of the google searches it may bring my way.)

it's true. i'm a fan of male genitalia.

and not just because of the self-serving reasons a heterosexual female would have a fondness for male private parts.

penises tell it like it is. penises don't pull any punches. you know exactly how they're feeling at any given moment. you know when they're attracted to you. guys, on the other hand, are often hard to read...delivering mixed messages. playing it cool.

the song says "it's in his kiss," but i think it's really in his pants.

you do something nice for a penis and it remembers. guys, not so much.

you know when a penis is excited to see you. guys, not so much.

you know when you've satisfied a penis. guys? fahgeddaboudit.

sometimes i wish you guys could be more like your penises.

you get accused of thinking with it, so why can't you ACT more like it?

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