2001-07-30 | 6:09 p.m.

corduroy licorice was always making sweeping generalizations. "all brooms are the same," he'd say.

***

i was reading the back-ends of cars this weekend. one girl had a license plate frame that said "ms. tanya...#1 cosmetologist." then she had a one of those urinating calvin-type stickers, except this was of a cartoon girl doing a "number two" on the word "everyone."

i found it very hard to resolve the conflicting messages. how could ms. tanya, the #1 cosmetologist, shit on everyone like that and sleep at night? wasn't her life all about creating beauty and bringing out the best in everyone? maybe she was really trying to say that she gives a shit about everyone. ah, yes. a much nicer sentiment. i'm sure that's what ms. tanya, #1 cosmetologist, meant.

***

sometimes in my head i can be such a bitch. i like that about myself. self-contained toxicity.

***

i love that line from "muriel's wedding" when her sister catches her doing something naughty and whispers delightedly, "you're terrible, muriel."

this weekend, i was terrible, muriel.

hee hee. a bad girl.

all through my growing up-ness, i was a goody two shoes. in high school, i used to fantasize about going to a new town where no one knew me. i would create a whole new persona...the "bad" girl. i wasn't sure what that would entail exactly, but boy kissing in back seats and pink angora sweaters would have been de rigueur. funny how all my bad girl fantasies were set in the 50s. "take me fonzie! let me sit on it!"

sometimes now i have a similar fantasy. not the whole moving-and-new-persona gig, but i like to think about being a bad girl. acting impetuously. being a ho.

sometimes when a friend tells me about a one-night stand, i get envious. man, just to be all animal and crazy for one night. but then i think about STDs and unfamiliar smells and stranger nakedness and vulnerability and think...um, OK, nope. two shoes coming up, extra goody.

but this weekend, i flirted with badness. i set up two dates in one night. i've never done that before...the "early date" and the "late date."

early date was with online boy. we had a great time and he gave me a really cool squeak toy that i just love. later in conversation, it was innocently revealed that he had dated two strippers in the past.

hmm...squeak toy gift (major points gained) and ex-stripper exes (major points lost).

i guess i'm a stripist. i'm prejudiced against strippers. i buy into the whole stereotype of the girl who was molested and has a power trip going on with men. plus, the whole naked dancing for money in public thing is a bit disturbing. and then there's the suspected low-self-esteem-induced promiscuity of said lasses. i know there are the ones who are working their way through law school by entwining their limbs with poles, but it still is a career choice that causes concern.

he reassured me that he didn't even know they were strippers when he met them. and they weren't the "head cases" you usually hear about. one was well-traveled and even spoke japanese. hmmm...arigatou, but i don't want to hear about how she rated in the talent portion of the competition!

then there is the whole, if that's the body standard he is used to...why is he dating 'lil ole me? major insecurity inducement going down, yo. and what did that say about him? was he into the trophy girl and bragging rights mentality? again then, why does he like 'lil ole me?

my first thought was "run away! run away!" but then i started thinking..."hmm...he's such a nice person...and that was in the past...and he's treated with me with total respect and kindness...plus, he's cute...and then there's the squeak toy...oh my. why is it never simple?"

of course, i'm not going to blow a great guy off because of that revelation, but it does set me to wondering about his thoughts on women and sexuality and values. i guess i just need to keep dating him to learn more about how this figures into who he is.

and i will try not to think about D-cups and thighs of steel. and thighs around steel.

i will try to be mature. i will.

but back to me being bad.

so i kinda alluded in another entry to a heathcliff-type i met at a party two weekends ago. so he invited me to another friend's party this last weekend. and i wanted to go. i was intrigued by this fellow and he's going to be departing to foreign shores in a few weeks, so my getting-to-know-you time occupies a narrowing window.

it so happens that online boy dropped me off early enough for me to squeeze in the party. my second "date" of the evening. i switched clothes, put on my earrings that read (left to right lobe) "rock" and "star," picked up my girl date, p-girl, and hit the house party.

it was great fun. heathcliff was in an odd mood, but he sent a nice smile across the room to me fed-ex. i signed for it and sent one back his way. he is a bit enigmatic, if you will, so i have no idea what he thinks of moi.

there was refrigerator magnet poetry with a extremely attractive male duo...two hunkalicious modern-day byrons. may the poignant phrase "smear the pig" live on in perpetuity.

there were drunk, flirtatious men to entertain us gals and one goth guy who told me i looked like kirsten dunst. celebrity-lookalike compliments? i want mooooooore!

so i got home in time to see the sunday papers getting delivered in the pinky darkness and felt the sleepy-eyed smugness only a very bad girl would understand.

<----������� ---->