2001-06-24 | 11:58 p.m.

corduroy licorice decided that what was good for the goose was good for the gander, so he ordered embroidered "his & her" mariachi jackets to be made for his feathered friends.

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transcript of internal monologue before date 3.

what am i going to wear? i want to look cute, but not ho-ey, i want to look good, but not like i tried too hard. would like to work sparkly shoes into ensemble. sparkly shoes are the sassy, sexy exclamation mark punctuating fashion statement. must now conjugate rest of clothing sentence. should wear skirt. wore jeans on last two dates. do not want to send the tomboy vibe. gotta doll it up for the weekend. jeans would slow any attempts at moving the "making out" issue forward...which could be good safety valve. skirt makes for easier access. willpower is challenged. hey, haven't even kissed yet. willpower is in good working order. wear skirt.

now, what top? a sparkly one to echo the shoe dazzlement? but then i'll be in a sparkly top at work all day...the "look who has a date tonight" outfit. hmmmm...want to save that sparkly top for another time anyway. why don't i have better clothes? should wear something that moves from day into night like fashion magazines promote on a monthly basis. whoa. look at the time. today will break late-to-work records. hope there is no last minute meeting called that i will miss. notice increased perspiration. will deoderant hold out all day?

get to work. this outfit is all wrong. looks too conservative. who wears something like this to club to hear band? should have brought small evening purse. will look like dork in conservative top with big ole purse over arm in the mosh pit. shit. don't have time to go home at lunch. will have to buy new evening purse. something cheap.

score by finding $10 purse during lunch break. shouldn't have spent the money, but expenditure will pay off in style confidence during date...something you can't put a price tag on.

rationalize that for single women, clothing is an investment in future. it serves as a tool to attract desirable men. marrying a desirable man equals a secure future (in theory). therefore, good fashion equals a secure future. if no appropriate man is to arrive upon doorstep sir lancelot-style, at least girl will find reassurance in the fact that she was always fabulously dressed during her solo flight lifetime...no small comfort, believe you me.

talk to online dating guy over phone. plan how to meet. realize i will be able to go home between work and date. this means i can use the purse i already had. doh! despite disappointment on purse front, revel in fact that i can ditch conservative top for something more fun, young and carefree! the true embodiment of me!

wonder if there will be a kiss. hope bad breath isn't an issue. feel like barfing from nervousness. realize barfing will insure bad breath.

date summary: no barfing. no kiss. no major malfunctions. no idea what he's getting into. no wonder i'm still single.