2001-06-18 | 2:31 a.m.

corduroy licorice had the gift of gab. gab was pretty pissed when she found out that he had swiped her present from under the christmas tree, too.

***

tonight i realized that the "f" word figures a bit too prominently in my inner monologue.

***

last night in a dream i was having, a dog spoke to me in a human voice. he started giving me advice to solve the dilemma unfolding in my dream. i remember thinking, "whoa, smart dog."

***

these online diaries are funny things, yaknow? diaries are traditionally secret places for thoughts kept under lock and key, but diaryland turns that idea on its head. or rather, puts it through the looking glass.

under the imagined cover of night, we write our thoughts for anyone with a google search twitch to read.

trippy.

not only have i appreciated the creative writing/therapeutic venue diaryland provides, i've met a lot of cool people through this venture. i even ended up dating one of them. i've gotten great e-mails from people who became temporary pen pals and then faded away. i've gotten ego-bolstering feedback and given some of my own. i've been in awe and been entertained by my fellow diarylanders.

so part of the therapeutic value of this page is the strange exhibitionist thrill of sharing stuff that many people in my life aren't aware of. semi-soul-baring, confessional stuff. there is a great relief in writing it down and letting it go...and if someone relates and responds, even better.

but then the weirdness sets in. you find out people at work have stumbled upon your diary and are reading things you normally wouldn't want people you work with to know. in my case, it turned out fine. the reader is a friend who is fun to share this experience with, but it was an odd adjustment and i still break into a cold sweat when i think how easy it would be for other people at work to find this.

and then there's the "do you share this journal with the person you're dating?" if you don't, you might feel like you were being sneaky. if you do, you might feel like you can't write as freely as you normally would.

since i have dated a fellow diary author, i'm now much more sensitive about what i write about dating-related subjects on nictate. after we broke up, he and i promised we wouldn't edit ourselves to protect the other, but that's really hard to do.

he's been open in his writing, but i find myself editing my words a lot. i just can't stand the thought of him reading something i write about another guy and feeling lousy about it...even if just for a moment. but life has to go on. the reality is that new people enter your life, for better or worse. so i wrote about the online dating thing recently with my fingers crossed. of course, my former boy took it in gentlemanly stride, as per usual.

so i'm left with the further question...do i start writing about this new online dating fellow? do i let him read my journal? a whole new level of editing comes into play. is this stuff better saved for an old-fashioned, pen and paper journal?

i know i'm not the first d-lander to ask themselves these questions, but still...i'm flummoxed.

more thought is required on this subject.

perhaps the talking dog will have the answer.

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