2001-06-11 | 11:44 p.m.

corduroy licorice always had a smile on his face. it was a tattoo of the '70s round yellow grin on his chin.

***

ok, ok, already. i'll admit it. i've tried it.

some of my friends were doing it. i didn't think it was for me.

but they kept talking about it. and a couple encouraged me to give it a try.

i sampled it a bit with one of them, but it left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

i knew if certain people found i had a done it, they'd look at me differently. maybe even think of me as a loser.

then one friend kept pushing. she made me promise to give it a try. so one night, when i was alone, i did.

online dating.

hey, all the kids are doing it.

so i went through tons of photos and profiles on several different sites.

it was entertaining, fascinating, disturbing, hilarious, touching, sad, exciting and odd.

i couldn't believe the photos some of the guys posted. one of them was in a dress shirt and suspenders kneeling by the hood of a bmw with a blonde in the passenger seat. was i supposed to want to take her place? part of an outdated yuppie 80s poster?

one guy had a photo of himself in a bar with a girl sticking her tongue in his ear. oh, now that's attractive. the reminder that another girl's saliva had beat you to the slurp.

or the guys who had photos of themselves in best men tuxedos, the image neatly cropped just shy of their date's collarbone. "see? i clean up nice and i can get a date, but who she was isn't important."

then there were the guys who wanted booty. one actually said, "look girls, let's get to the point. i'm out for hot and nasty sex in private...or maybe not." and another, "i just want a rump and rack to hold onto."

one guy was blind and wrote about how he just wanted a woman to cherish. now that was enough to make me tear up.

so, yeah. after hitting the "next" button endlessly, i went out with about 100 guys in three hours. it really was the equivalent of a first date, and i didn't even have to shave my legs or do the ole wallet reach fake-out. what a timesaver, aye?

and yeah, i picked out one who was attractive and who wrote a pretty cool profile. it took some nerve to send him an e-mail, but i forced myself.

the dating equivalent of clicking on "add to shopping cart."

<----������� ---->