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2001-04-24 | 2:55 a.m.

corduroy licorice's money was burning a hole in his pocket. hence the switch to debit cards. he was tired of walking around in ashy-assed jeans.

***

a girl i know is blue over a guy right now. he came on strong with charm and serenaded her at karaoke with a romantic song. they dated a few weeks. he quit calling. she is devastated.

i think she made him too important. often girls make guys too important. and, of course, some guys make girls too important. and some guys make guys too important and girls make girls...and, yaknow the drill.

of course, if you're in a relationship with someone, they need to be important. they deserve respect and love and affection and time and attention. the danger comes when they become too important. i can't be happy without you important.

i'm telling this from the girl's viewpoint since that's what i have the inside track on. girls are kind of programmed to make their mate the most important thing in their life--biologically wired to make the home (or "nest") the most important part of their life's responsibilities. well, that may work to preserve a marriage and family, but it don't come in so handy in dating...especially dating in this here millennium.

girls often romanticize the smallest gestures from guys. a glance. a random vocal emission. we read into things. interpret. analyze. drive ourselves and the guys crazy. see how his last name sounds with our first. think about what our kids will look like. this is on the first date.

we make the guy too important.

i think this plays into commitment phobia, too. a commitment is a way of saying (for all intents and purposes), "you are the most important person in my life" which is a lot of responsibility.

being so important to someone else can be intimidating. it can be scary. i think when guys realize how important they've become to a girl, it scares them shitless and they often bolt. flip that little anxiety over and it reveals another reason to flee...the guy realizes that the girl has become too important to him, making him very vulnerable...an often uncomfortable feeling. of course, the genders can be switched and the same rules apply.

often, unfortunately, making someone else too important means you are making yourself less (or not) important. not a good dynamic for a healthy pairing. you've lost the seinfeldian "hand." weakness starts to smell a little stanky. not so attractive. like albert brooks said in broadcast news, "wouldn't it be great if 'needy' was a turn-on?"

occasional neediness is human, of course. hopefully, though, it will be coddled gently by your loved one and then sent on its way with a pat on the butt. but neediness ain't hot. independence draws more flies than sugar, yo. unless you're going the sid and nancy, as-co-dependent-as-i-wanna-be route.

i guess my point is that we need to enter relationships with a firm belief in ourselves and a hearty enjoyment of ourselves. while a relationship hopefully enhances our life, we should still go into it knowing that deep inside we've come with all the enhancements we need built right in. the rest is gravy.

isn't that nice? the old ball and chain just became a creamy topping for carbohydrates. a much more appetizing role.

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