2001-04-08 | 9:46 a.m.

corduroy licorice would often bark up the wrong tree. most of his neighbors didn't mind his dog impression, but mrs. d would call the cops when she caught him yapping at her weeping willow.

***

tonight i was in a walking accident. i was taking out the trash and got taken out by a girl on a bike.

here's the scenario, yo. i was crossing my apartment building's driveway, dragging one of our trash cans behind me. there is a sidewalk that slices across the driveway. i crossed it, i heard a girl gasp and felt a bump.

next thing i know, the garbage can is on the ground next to a girl, next to her bike with a light on the handlebars. she got up and looked at me wide-eyed out from under her designer hunting hat--its flaps tied tightly under her pixie chin. she had bagged her a nictate, in my natural habitat no less.

"are you ok?" she asked.

"yes, are you?" i asked.

"yes, i'm fine."

we were both kind of in shock.

"i'm sorry!" she went on, "did you fall down?"

"no," i replied, glancing at the can. "only the garbage can did. i'm glad you're ok! i should've looked where i was going more carefully." i reached out and touched her jacketed arm to steady her as much as myself.

"i'm glad your ok!"

then her boyfriend rode up.

"what happened?" he asked. he didn't look so friendly.

"are you sure you're ok?" i asked, visions of lawsuits and who had right-of-way in my mind. my leg was starting to hurt a little.

"i'm fine. you sure you're ok?"

"yep. i'm just glad you're ok."

this conversation was starting to sound like a self-help book from the '70s.

her boyfriend helped her pick up her bike, not saying a peep to me himself, and they wobbled on, stopping a bit down the block to look at her bike again. more visions of lawsuits danced in my head as i righted, then dropped, the trash can once more...getting to handle some wet kitty litter in the process. hoy boy!

once back inside, i undressed to check the damage on me. fairly minor contusions and abrasions on my calf (tire impact) and hip (handlebar impact). oweeee!

i never look to see who is coming down the sidewalk. usually it's people with their canines, so no big whup. i think i'll be doing a little glancing to the left and right from now on. ow!

***

today at work, for about ten minutes i was under the impression someone else at the office had found this page. i had repeated a story i had told here and as soon as i finished, he said: "read more about it on diaryland.com!" i laughed, but at the same time got a flush of fear. shit! i thought, that's it. i'm not writing there anymore. that's it. i'm at least changing my member name. that's it. i'm going password-protected. but then i talked to tv zero, who really is the only source by which this other person could have found the page and tv z reassured me that the party of the first party only new the diaryland site name and liked to joke about our little online dishing. whew! i felt better. all was well. then a bike crashed into me. who knew?

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