2001-04-02 | 1:28 p.m.

corduroy licorice stifled his creativity with a down pillow. he'd be darned if he was going to strike a painterly repose or whip up a bit of prose.

***

the story you're about to hear is embarassing...to me. i had to make a return today. i took 3 CDs back to a store...unopened with the receipt within the 10-day limit and everything. of course, they still give you the eye and act like you're trying to pass counterfeit contraband into their coffers. so the cashier has me fill out a form where i have to give all kinds of info, except next to kin, and then she asks suspiciously,

"what's the reason for the return?"

don't cock your eyebrow at me, i thought, and answered, "um, they were supposed to be a gift, but i found something else."

she nodded in acceptance and rang me up for my change.

i totally lied to the eyebrow-cocker!

i couldn't tell her the real reason for the return:

"um, well, i went on a spending splurge here this weekend and once i got home and figured out my budget i realized i wouldn't have enough to pay my bills and eat this week, so i am bringing back these cds to ensure i do not suffer from malnutrition. is there a checkmark on your form for compulsive shopper? that'd be me."

i'm trying to be a better parent to my inner child, but a spoiled kid is a handful.

***

more embarassment:

this time at someone else's expense. two google searches came to me seeking:

britney spears dominatrix

which i actually could provide some knowledge on, seeing how i tried on dominatrix boots in a sex shoppe (something about that term really warrants the extra "pe") while dressed as britney spears for halloween.

the other i can offer no knowledge on. i don't know shit about:

wink of the day:

if you believe in rock'n'roll, you'll believe in mr. champagne. i've never read anything quite like him, which is a good thing, yaknow? he shoots from the hip, as they say. and who else could switch gears from a rant on originality to a commentary on ships of the 19th century. mr. champagne's got some magic goin' on. he's also got a band going on: dead city rockers. check it out in the name of rock'n'roll. goodnight, los angeles!

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