2001-02-26 | 04:23:51

hiya peadiddlers!

i've had me a headache going on for 'bout four days. kinda clouds me thinking and shit, so forgive any out-of-the-ordinary strangeness...like that's distinguishable here at wink-o-rama.

so yeah, i'm a bit insane in the membrane.

want to hear an exclusive nictate tip? this summer, stop whatever you're doing and go see a film called "jails, hospitals and hip-hop." it'll probably be one of those art film house-type movies, so i'm hoping you have one of those art film house-type theaters in your general vicinity.

it's a filmed version of a one-man play done by the incredible danny hoch. he is a gifted actor/writer/activist who spreads a revolutionary message through the rhythms of hip-hop culture. he has an amazing stage presence and captures accents and body movements and expressions expertly, allowing him to transform himself into several different characters, from prisoners to street punks to rap stars, although he's basically this guy in a t-shirt and workout pants the whole time. he is truly gifted and has such an important message to share. you'll thank me if you catch him live or on the big-screen.

he played l.a. this weekend and a few friends and i got to see him throw down. two words: standing ovation. screamingly funny. screamingly poignant. he made me think and want to do something about it.

***

in other news, a friend from work just confessed that he's been reading my little ole journal here for a spell. although i chose to make this journal public-access, i never wanted work friends and work people to read it or know about it. i hardly ever talk about work in my entries, so it's not that. it's just that i don't want to share certain things with people i have to see in meetings, ya know? like, i don't want people i see in the hallway on my way to the restroom thinking, "aha, i wonder if nictate is gonna moon herself today." if ya know what i'm sayin'.

this happened once before a few months back. i discovered that a couple of other people at work had been reading my stuff. i had a minor freak-out at the thought, but i found out as they were leaving the company, so it seemed awkward, but survivable.

i've since worried about the same thing happening again. a few friends at the office know i do this, but i've also explained to them that i'm too shy/self-protective to share it with them. i've been paranoid that they found it on their own. in fact, i've had a couple of nightmares about it.

it's a calculated risk i take to keep writing and revealing.

so anyway, i suspected this fella was reading me recently anyway. there was just something in his smile a couple of times that told me so, but now he's confirmed it and apologized. we're cool. i can handle it. thankfully he hasn't shared the 411 with anyone else. i would just be mortified if more work people had access. for awhile i thought about going password-protected, but that seems like a pain in the ass.

i've always known i was exposing myself and my private life a bit more than most people would think prudent, but i get some kinda exhibitionist thrill from it. it's a wild, wacky phenomenon to be sharing a life online worldwide, but i do dig it. i'm addicted to the creative outlet. i like the pen pals i've met. i enjoy the props people send. i got to meet you. it feels good to share my stories here, but online vulnerability does have a price. so far, i'm willing to pay it.

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