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2001-01-24 | 04:44:36

i've been feeling a bit disheartened during the last 24 hours.

my disheartenment has been related to things i've been hearing in the last 24 hours.

it all started during a tom leykis radio program i caught the end of. he was explaining one of his "leykis 101" rules. even though he is often brutal about dating do's and don'ts, i often can't argue with his unattractively honest manifestos to men. this night was different, though.

he was explaining how the only reason a man should get married...the only advantage of such an act...was 1) to make sure his woman wouldn't cheat (although this was still a calculated risk) and, 2) to be able to spend every weekend with his future kids. that was it.

mkay. i'm not really marriage-minded at this point in my life (despite the fact that my age places me smack-dab in marriage territory). i have my fears about entering the institution myself. i've seen enough bad marriages and divorces to be pretty leery. i'm commitment-phobic...not in dating terms (i'm as loyal as a cocker spaniel when i've got a boy), but in lifetime terms, yes, i'm skittish.

but to hear tom leykis dis marriage as a "trap" or "prison" and to hear his male callers second his motion made me sad.

then, later that evening, i was talking to my sister and she was telling me about some guy at work who was going away for a ski weekend with his ex-girlfriend to see if things could be rekindled between them. trouble is, he already has a new girlfriend who thinks he is going to visit his aunt that weekend. oh, lovely.

today at work i got a joke e-mail comparing men and women to computers. it played off the stereotypical assumptions people have always joked about between the sexes. i didn't forward it because, in my current disheartened state, it annoyed me to read under the "how men are like computers" list: "once you commit to one, you soon discover you should have held out for a better model." bleh on that attitude!

then tonight i was watching an endlessly advertised sitcom about three sisters. the married couple on the show was fighting. he wins the fight and she says for him to enjoy the only time he's ever been right or will ever be right in their whole marriage. then she traipses off, nose in the air. bitchy, not funny. not even funny bitchy. ok, i know, it's just a show. a crappy sitcom. a kneejerk throwaway joke.

but i look at what i've gathered from electronic sources of all kinds over the last day and night and think, are marriage and commitment pieces of toilet paper on society's shoe all of a sudden? is loving respect for your mate so much hallmark drivel?

i'm very lucky in that the certain fine fella i'm seeing is emotionally intelligent--meaning he can communicate his emotions fluently while still listening to, understanding and empathizing with others' emotions. even with his tenderness and openness, i'm still as chicken as hell of getting hurt or of hurting. and i'm always wondering how people make it work. if i'm so uncertain in the adoring orb i'm surrounded by, how do the jaded ones do it? why do the jaded ones do it?

anyway, i know there is hope and love in the world, and people who are together for the right reasons and treating each other the right way. i know. but i still want more of them running around spreading good vibes and good examples and good lovin'. yes, please, more people who think being a "prisoner of love" could be a life sentence worth serving.

***

for a daily dose of good lovin', there's girlboy. today brinley shares his thoughts on his dream girl.

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