2000-12-27 | 04:03:07

today in an e-mail to a buddy o' mine, i used the phrase "up your alley." then i started to think about how that sounds a lot like "up your ass." so from there, i jumped to how funny it would be to substitute the "alley" expression with the "ass" expression.

like, say, someone cuts you off in traffic. you could yell, "hey, up your alley, mister pister! booya!" no, don't say "booya." that'll just make you sound dopey.

or if someone cusses you out, you could spit back, "oh yeah? i should stick my doc marten up your alley for that piehole spewage, mister pister!"

"mister pister" is a winner. go ahead and use that. i don't mind at all.

shall we go another? let's shall! so, if someone you encountered during the course of a normal day was in a poopy mood, you could say, "hey, what crawled up your alley and died?"

then i was thinking, "why not substitute the word 'alley' for 'ass' in other phrases, too...like, 'i'm gonna kick your alley, alleyhole!'" but, as you probably realized before i did, "alley" only really works as a substitute for "ass" in the "up your..." usage.

yep. so that happened.

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movie review time!

that last sentence above ("so that happened") happens to be the funniest line in a very clever movie called "state and main" by david mamet. i think you would enjoy it. it's about a movie crew invading a small town. hijinx ensue. a bit of a farce, a bit of a romance. it showcases what motivates people and skewers the shallowness of hollywood and the small-minded selfishness of certain small town denizens, as well. some of the acting is a bit self-conscious, but it's a fun flick, nonetheless.

from the pleasant surprise sock drawer comes the film "unbreakable." i had heard murmurings of bad things about it, but esol gave it thumbs up and he was right on, as per usual. the story built subtly and was well-told. the acting was solid and the ending had a great twist. it was by the same guy who did "the sixth sense."

the thing that i appreciated the most about the film was the way he communicated the married couple's relationship. so many movies slap people together sloppily and you never get a sense of why they are a pair. in an amazingly short series of scenes, i got a strong sense of this couple's bond. of course, a lot of credit goes to robin wright penn and bruce willis for making it all believable, but the dialogue was first-rate. i remember the emotion between the couple in "the sixth sense" being very strong and real, as well. so kudos to m. night shyamalan for another great writing and directing accomplishment!

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you don't need to hold a shell up to your ear to hear sea secret describe her dream merman. just swim on over to girlboy.

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