2000-11-27 | 03:52:18

i spent a lot of time alone this weekend. that hardly ever happens. see, a couple of years ago when i broke up with desert storm, i realized that i had been spending most of my time with him or him and his friends. i swore to myself that i wouldn't let that happen again. i wouldn't neglect my own social circle. also, to recover from the break-up blues, i decided to accept (practically) every invitation that was hoisted my way. i would be open to new music, new events, new friends, new food, new everything.

my plan, unlike those of movie villains, went exactly as i had masterminded. my social life began to spin into new vistas and my life opened up in great new ways. but then, much like the plots of movie villains, my plan began to spin a bit out of control. my social life started writing checks my body couldn't cash. sure, what a way to go...but enough karaoke and vodka cocktails and 2 a.m. drives home make jill a spent girl.

this weekend, things fell in and out of place, leaving me with two days to call my own. it felt strange. saturday was bliss. i wasn't running late to meet a friend (as i am wont to do), wasn't squeezing errands in before the next engagement, wasn't staying up too late. i stretched lazily into the free time and lapped it up with delight.

sure, at points i was missing a certain someone, but it was the kind of bittersweet missing that can be fun sometimes...when you know there's a hug at the end of the tunnel. (having someone to miss can be bliss, young miss. on this fact, i insist. ok, i'll stop before i illicit a hiss.)

sunday, i got me a bit of the blues. ok, i admit, part of it was pms b.s.--i ain't immune. sunday afternoon, sitting alone in a movie theater (waiting to watch a lovelorn/love scorned/love warned/love reborn french film), i had flashbacks to my years of boyfriendlessness when i was living out of driving range for most of my friends. it was a strange deja vu.

off and on during the rest of the day, i started examining myself and my bad habits (like shopping too much) like i haven't truly done for awhile. that got me a little bluesy, too.

the good news is that i needed that pause. a little quiet time to realize that there are some things i want to fix about myself and it's time to take action. taking action is a great picker-upper. even planning to take action peps me up.

so what does all my belly-button examination have to do with you, dear soul? just a reminder that alone time may be lonely, but it's the only way to truly be self-aware. whoa. heavy sigh. nanu, nanu.

***

today elizabeth dreams a little dream on girlboy's tab...

<----������� ---->