2000-10-26 | 05:36:35

hi.

see, my buddy, sesame/soy boy and other good friends have been telling me to get over my former crush boy for the longest. "the good advice that i just didn't take," as alanis would say.

actually, i was pretty much over him. at least over him as a prospective mate. although the two kissing encounters of the last several months clouded the waters a bit.

see, when i think about what i like about him, it gets troublesome...because there is so much on that list. when i think about what is troublesome about him, there is enough to cause concern or doubt, but not enough to make me drop-kick the idea altogether.

pros:

he likes a wide variety of music, is as cute, smart and funny as hell, sensitive, loyal, good friend, employed, creative, artistic.

cons:

commitment phobe, workaholic, likes me--but not enough to make an effort to date me.

ok, so yeah, the cons list is outweighing "pros" on the "no" scale. just in time for my halloween anniversary of leaving his party super bummed in my ginger-from-gilligan's-island gown with teased, boufant hair and the sudden realization that he just didn't care that way.

but then...this tuesday happened. a girl i know heard a rumor that he had a girlfriend. i took the news pretty well, i think. didn't react much to the girl as she told me. walking away, i did feel a bit upset. partly because she had told me rather bluntly, even though she knew i liked him. kinda like "oh, too bad for you, but..."

so a bit later, i step into the restroom and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. my face was all red and splotchy! ah, seeing that reflection made me realize that i felt all red and splotchy inside, too. holy tamale, batman! i didn't know i cared! it was unsettling.

i began to realize that "the girlfriend" was probably the girl he took with him to see radiohead. they were a cute-looking pair. probably she was his type, you know? but i needed to know for sure, so i e-mailed him tues. night asking if the rumors were true and if radiohead girl was his main squeeze.

thinking about it more that day, i realized that him having a girlfriend would be the perfect reason for me to write off his dating potential once and for all. it would take a lot of confusion and pressure out of the situation. of course, it would also remove kissing opportunities. whoa! let me rethink this...

after a bit of bittersweet confusion, i realized that this was probably for the best. he'd be taken and i could take off in new pursuits.

the next morning, an e-mail from him was waiting in my in-box. i clicked on it quickly to get the story. He responded that no, she was just a friend, but wondered who was starting these rumors. one more e-mail later, he answered directly that he had no girlfriend.

i was happy at first. cool, i thought, there is still a question mark with him. i like that question mark. then i was sorry that the closure had been withdrawn.

oh, well. i guess we all learned a little lesson here, didn't we? i'd spell it out for you, but then i'd have to face reality...and i can't afford the extra calories.

***

what andrea wants, andrea gets. not unlike lola. fortunately, you don't need fbi clearance to read her "most wanted" list at girlboy.

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