2000-10-20 | 04:47:23

there is a crisis going on among american youth that neither al gore nor george w. is addressing. oh, sure, fellas! look the other way, but it's not going to go away.

it's not a drug problem. it is far more pervasive than any drug could be. however, it can cause brain damage...even through second-hand contact.

almost every teen is exposed to it every day. almost that many are users. even 20-somethings are being sucked into the addiction. it's a nasty, nasty business.

it's...like.

it's "like."

yeah, the word "like."

"like" has replaced "um" and "uh" in every day conversation. like a verbal ebola virus, it is airborne among airbrains and intelligencia alike and we're heading towards a vocabulary bleed-out.

an example pulled from today's headlines...literally:

there was a tv news report tonight on a major car accident that took place in a residential neighborhood. the reporter was interviewing a boy who looked about 17. here was his riveting, eye-witness account:

"so, i was, like, inside, playing nintendo. then, i, like, heard this big explosion, and i, like, ran outside, and this guy was, like, hanging out his car window."

and i quote.

ok, ok. i've been known to use "like," too. some of my favorite friends do, too. it happens. we're, like, human, you know? but too much is too much, people! something must be done to save us from this slippery slope.

the last time i flew to nyc, i was seated next to two girls on their way to a business meeting. they seemed fresh out of college. all e-business and databases...except they each had a liking for "like." every other word...i shit you not. my head was thisclose to exploding. i almost pointed their addiction out to them, but you know, they have to want to change. they have to hit, like, bottom. here was an example of their conversation:

"so, like, i went to the boston office, and, like, they are so unorganized. like, there were files, like, everywhere. i was, like, someone needs to, like, take charge. yaknow? like, c'mon!"

like, saying it makes people sound, like, really dumb! or at least, like, kinda vacant. i know i'm gonna piss off a couple of likable people with this manifesto. it's not a popular platform to run on. this i know. nader would understand. we're both underdogs in 2000.

i just want them to stop! or at least to cut back. maybe going cold turkey is a bad idea. maybe we should set-up some kind of methodone treatment program where we wean kids off "like" by reintroducing them to the more benign and time-tested "um."

i'm fighting for change. i hope people will pick up this banner and join the "um" fight against "like." critical mass approaches. i hope the state of things will change, but at this point, i realize that's...unlikely.

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for those of you who "like" romance, click over to see what dawny has to say about melty men who like to hear her ramble...

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