2000-10-17 | 04:16:04

inner peace is now available in a convenient 8 oz. package.

i'm feeling blissfully much, much better about not having a boy around. it's kinda nice sometimes. i'm relaxing about it. stretching into it. wiggling my toes in the sand of it. singleness. mmmm...single-minded. singular. sing.

i'm warming myself in the glow of it. i can do whatever i want. i can watch "when harry met sally" for the 40th time and eat rice pudding for dinner. i can sleep in on weekend mornings. go running whenever i want. i don't have to check in with anyone. don't have obligations to fulfill to other people's friends. don't have to brush my hair after my home-from-work shower. i can be online for as long as i want. i can eat the last fudgsicle.

what has inspired my new sanguine attitude about malelessness? well, these things naturally go in cycles, you know. plus, there were my recent forays into asking guys out which have not been successful (rejection has a funny aftertaste). and finally, the words of an e-compadre. a fella type, himself, with only 25 christmases under his belt. i nicknamed thisee here fellar sesame/soy boy and here are some e-mail excerpts between us featuring his wise-beyond-his-years feedback:

***

sesame/soy boy: lemme tell you something : guys generally don't pass up offers to do stuff when a girl asks, they at least acknowledge the offer, dang it.

me: so you're thinking he's a rude dude? i guess that is kinda rude not to acknowledge the invite...even though it was a vague one...i'm so used to guys avoiding things like this that i almost didn't flinch at his lack of response. i guess that's bad in itself...my expectations have been lowered so much. bleh. blah.

ssb: well yes, i suppose he is a bit rude for not acknowledging the offer, but i'm thinking he must have something brewing on the side if he's not following up on your invite. and you SHOULD lower your expectations, just as i've said before. quantity before quality when you start off, then weed through them as you familiarize yourself with their crappiness. you can't judge a guy right off the bat because for the most part they're all putting on a ridiculous show, and they simply don't realize just how ridiculous they be, yo. yes, more girls should make the first move, there'd be a lot fewer single folk around if that were the case. if the guy ain't jumping to be by your side - he's not worth sitting around waiting for.

me: i'm just tired of guys who sit on fence. they like you, but not enough to jump off.

ssb: hmm. as i've said before : i don't believe fence-sitter "fellas" actually exist. unless of course they're weighing the pros/cons between 2 different "options" ...don't mess with dudes who regard you as an "option" nictate.

***

ain't that boy a trip? he made me laugh out loud with his "weed through the crappiness" line, and then made me get misty-eyed telling me not to deal with guys who regard me as an "option."

that "option" line really hit home. i mean, i've been hearing that from girlfriends all along, but i had my "i know, i know, but he's so cute" headphones on. the music of romance was drowning out their wise words. i knew they spoke the truth, but i wanted to dream a little dream for a little while longer. i guess now i'm finally wanting to wake up and sesame/soy boy's comment served as a verbal cappucino royale, man.

so, the "option" key is temporarily being "delete"-d from my dating keyboard, and for now i'll "esc" from this i-need-a-guy mentality. i'm "enter"-ing a new phase, yo. "shift"-ing gears. realizing that i often seek too much "ctrl." time to kick back, make myself at "home," take a "pause/break." stop to savor all the sweetness that singleness can be. wheeeeeeeeeeee!

***

just because i'm embracing soloness right now don't mean that i don't believe in love and daydreaming about it sometimes!

today at girlboy, bambam leads us down a charming path to find her charming boy...

<----������� ---->