2000-10-11 | 04:33:38

hi.

so i've been thinking, as i am wont to do.

here's what i've come up with:

i'm not looking for mr. right.

i'm not looking for mr. right now.

i'm looking for mr. right on!

go ahead, laugh! it's alright. i know i'm silly. and by mr. right on! i'm not talking "ladies' man" tim meadows (ah, c'mon, that sketch isn't funny in the two-minute format, lorne!)

yes, i'm looking for mr. right on! i'm ready to fall in love, get squishy, get twitterpaited, get kissy, get naked. where do that boy be?

in summing up my current mood, i think garcia said it best: "But tonight, for some reason, I have a real need to be touched. I don�t even mean sex. I just want to lie next to you in bed. I want to trace patterns on your back with my fingers, stroke the fine hairs on your arm, kiss your eyelids and play with your hair and then smooth it back behind your ears, curl up next to you so that our contours fit perfectly, listen to you breath and wonder how I get to be so lucky."

***

so i was watching "living out loud," a great chick flick, and holly hunter delivers this devastating line to her ex-husband who she was unhappy with for years: "what was i so afraid of that you were a better choice?" hot damn! and in a drunken confession about her unhappy marriage: "isn't it amazing what you find yourself agreeing to?"

both of those quotes hit a searing line drive into my gut. those two lines sum up how i handle myself in relationships. fearful and too compromising. toxic niceness, as a book i was flipping through tonight calls it.

that's me. toxically nice. i've gotta get a grip. or is it toxic weakness?

"there's no downside to being nice, but there is a downside to being weak." -sandra bullock

***

glorified booty call temptation in song:

"love ridden, i've looked at you

with the focus of a birthday candle...

...nobody sees when you are lying in your bed

and i want to crawl in with you

but i cry instead

i want your warm

but it will only make me colder

when it's over..."

-fiona apple

love you, fi. you and aimee just have a way with verbiage and the melodification. ah, and ani, too (discovered via rhetoric). girls rock. there's no doubt.

***

more girls-asking-guys-out feedback:

the ever-sassy neena says:

"Just wanted to throw my 2 cents in the collection dish. I think it's perfectly A-okay for girls to ask guys out. That's how I ended up with my guy. :-)"

the ever-adorable esol says:

"As far as the girl asking the boy out thing: Go for it. You're right that it might turn some boys off, but not the kind you want. (Or maybe that's just me. I am after all, extremly odd.) Personally, though- I find that honestly expressed feelings are only going to drive away those who aren't comfortable honestly expressing their feelings--not necessarily a bad thing, you know."

the ever-concise andre says:

"guys like it."

***

it's time to put another list on the girlboy bar-b. today, the whipsmart cameron marinates on the idea of the kind of boy who could get her grill fired up...

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