2000-08-24 | 05:22:29

happiness is...

in grade school, i remember having to memorize the "happiness is..." song for a school program. i can still hear the tune in my head. funny, those lingering effects of childhood brainwashing...

i remember these lyric excerpts:

"...happiness is...two kinds of ice cream..."

"...happiness is...being alone every now and then, and happiness is coming home again..."

right now, to me, happiness is...boring.

yep, you heard me right. BO-RING.

it came to me at work the other day. i was sitting at my desk in front of my dumb pink computer and realized it. i was happy. content even. and it was boring!!!

ok, feel free to bitch-slap me at any time. ungrateful prick comes to mind. i am one of those. prick-types. at least with this attitude.

happiness is the elusive quality people slap down most of their disposable incomes pursuing.

the ultimate holy grail.

i already have it. it's vaaaaaaaaaaary nice.

don't hate me because my life is beautiful. i like my job, a lot. nice people. cool office. good boss. i get paid to do my favorite thing: writing. the pink computer is the only blemish on an otherwise rose-colored world. i make a decent amount of money. enough to keep me in new CDs and burritos.

i have an incredible circle of friends. crazy acquaintances who pop in as guest stars. very close friends who "get" me and vice versa. my sister. people who do fun stuff and invite me along. people who make me laugh and smile and hug. beautiful people. i know a bunch of them. way more than a person should be allowed.

i love my improv class and my teacher. i can't begin to express how much i gain from it. every week it's a little high that fuels me brain and me soul.

i like where i live (micro: my apartment - do you know how long it took me to find a couch that retro cool, mkay?; macro: los angeles; daddy mack-ro: america).

no man, but hey, we know they take happiness as easily as they give it.

diaryland. say no more. the internet. ahhh, the internet. who needs a man, when you've got it? i've met some damn cool people because of this page and the internet. i'm so glad al gore invented it.

i bring all this up because i've been trying for the life of me to figure out why i'm still playing with the move to new york thing. yeah, yeah. i'm still on that. sorry. obsess much?

but yeah, so, i've been asking myself why i would want to leave the life of milk and honey for a big fat question mark. i might get a crappy job with an evil boss or end up hating snow-packed winters. and i would miss my friends and sister like nobody's bidness.

but then it came to me! it's because i'm happy! i'm content! i am floating in just-out-of-the-saucepot-warm-and-sweet butterscotch pudding. lovin' life. but it's almost too easy. too. the sounds of silence can be deafening.

i feel a need to mix things up. change equations. add entropy. like the fiona apple lyric: "i wanna make a mistake. i wanna do it on purpose. unpave my path."

i know! idiotic! i need to savor what i got here. life's gonna throw one of its curves soon enough. i should just quit paddling and let the waves bob me a bit.

i should...

i should...

um, i should.

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