2000-08-06 | 05:32:09

"it's not going to stop 'til you wise up." - aimee mann

i owe someone an apology.

yeesh. sometimes i can be so high school. here i am, 35 years old, and i'm acting like freshman fool. who do i think i am? cameron crowe?

see, i have a crush on someone. they know it. i know it. well, yeah, sure, i know it. they kinda have one on me. off and on. on and off. even though pursuing anything is pretty pointless, and possibly troublesome, in the long run, a short fling could be a whole lotta fun.

here's the catch: i'm completing ignoring the wisdom of my friend brian's grandpa and trying to force something that shouldn't be and needn't be forced or pressured or pushed or prodded. or prada'ed, for that matter. the good advice i just didn't take? "nothing requires force."

ewww. when i think about things i've said or typed to this fella, i get embarrassed with a capital "ass." good grief, charlie brown.

i drop all these hints to make him jealous about how other guys have given me props. blah, blah, bluuuuuuuuuuh. ugh! so obvious! so foolish! foolish, foolish, foolish.

so fucking manipulative. man-i-pull-a-tive. eww. i'm an embarassment to the female genre sometimes.

so, to him, if he's reading, i'm sorry. i'm dumb. i promise to act my age, not my crush size. please do a metaphysical white-out, as my friend jean says, and try to forget all my hijinx. pretty please, with cinnamon, toasted apple jacks on top?

ah. poop. i feel a bit better having embraced my ridiculousness. ahhh. ok. i hope he does, too. i think he does. he's cool like that.

hence, the crush.

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