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2000-08-01 | 03:18:30

there've been complaints.

two complaints to be exact.

two nictators are not amused.

this whole depression thingy i've been working out in the sandbox of your psyches is bringing people down a tad. a smidge. a skosh.

"where is the happy nictate of yesteryear?" inquires one.

"don't repress, don't depress. ASSESS!" encourages another.

well, guys. i'm sorry i've been in my blue period. but ya gotta love me for all my chiaroscurro moods, yaknow?

i will give you this: the whole self-pity, moaning for a man schtick is getting about as tired as a lorena bobbitt joke. (one of which i happened to dust off this weekend. dumb.)

ok, so, yeah. you're right. enough of the gnashing of teeth and smearing of ash upon my forehead.

alright, i am feeling better 'bout life. for one, my hair is a new shade of raven red. if that makes sense. almost black with red bits. this new look has garnered me one attempted grocery check-out line pick-up (highlight: he asks, "so i guess you rented some videos for tonight?" me: "nope." beat. him: "but you're going to later, right?" wha the fu-?), stolen glances through the little kitchen door window in a sushi place by one of the male workers, and an eye-lock with the box boy at the grocery store tonight. either they are attracted or repelled. i haven't figured out which, but my hair does seem to be raising their dander in one way or another. so, cool. male attention does wonders for a floundering female ego.

tonight i went into a grocery store i hadn't been to in awhile. so, i walk into my old haunt and it is obvious they've remodeled. under my nose. only, they've remodeled it too look older? they went with a brown theme and it looks dark and old and icky. i'm kinda picky about my grocery store's aesthetics. i won't be back. unless i need some ben & jerry's chunky monkey at 1 a.m. one night, stat.

ah yes, so i was waiting to pay in the anti-dorian gray of food retailers, when i noticed a little yellow happy face sticker pasted in the cashier's station in the line next to mine. there was no cashier there at the time, so i could read it clearly. under the smiley fella, there were these words: "Customers First. NO CHATTER." what the fu-?!

NO CHATTER. as in "NO CHATTER YOU BRAINLESS TWITS. HERE, WE WILL PASTE THE INTERNATIONAL SYMBOL OF HAPPINESS HERE TO REMIND YOU TO FLASH YOUR PEARLIES AT OUR SHOPPERS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO BRAIN-STEMLESS TO REMEMBER TO SMILE INSTINCTUALLY. BUT WHILE YOU'RE SMILING THAT SHIT-EATING GRIN (AND, OH YES, YOU WILL BE EATING SHIT ON A DAILY BASIS), DON'T BE MAKING YOURSELF COMFORTABLE BY BONDING WITH YOUR COWORKERS TO PASS THE MINDLESS TIME OF PUSHING THINGS ACROSS AN INFRARED READ-OUT AND INTO "PAPER OR PLASTIC?" BAGS. NOPE. NOT YOU, YOU MINDLESS, SMILING, SCANNING ROBOT. IN SUMMARY, NO FUCKING CHATTER, PEOPLE."

to paraphrase roy schneider in "jaws," they're going to need a bigger sticker.

ok, maybe i'm an insubordination risk, but if someone slapped a happy face with a NO CHATTER message in front of me, i'd walk. uh-uh. nope. no way. I'VE GOT YOUR CHATTER RIGHT HERE, MO FO! then i'd roughly untie my blue cotton apron and raise my arm up to its peak height before slamming the wadded-up garment into a heap of norma rae/david horowitz righteous anger and storming out of the automatic sliding doors.

so what you do think, guys? customer first. no depressed patter. pissed patter, yes. tomorrow i may be funny. i could happen. don't leave me here, whatever you do! come back, k? please? whew. cool. see ya then.

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take a peek at these - (c) 2000-2003 nictate:

health tip
2005-03-16

health tip
2005-03-16

moving house
2004-11-19

quibbling with quitherfeather
2004-11-17

catcher in the wry
2004-11-16