2000-06-30 | 01:52:38

i am the object of lesbian fantasies.

maybe i should reword that. it's not that lesbians are fantasing about me...not that that's unthinkable. it's that men are telling me that they are having lesbian fantasies involving me.

rather than go to the trouble of asking me out, they would rather imagine me in a tryst with t-boz of tlc.*

so let me get this straight, guys, you don't want me to be straight? if i'm to believe my personal studies on the subject of lesbian lust the guy does imagine himself in the picture, but still, it's imagined. there is no wining and dining proferred. there are no flowers sent the next day. there are no doors to open or chairs to pull out. cut out the middle man. sisters are doing it for themselves.

speaking of sisters, i'm friends with two sisters of great beauty. the younger one hangs out with me a lot. when i brought her to a couple of work social outings, two, yes TWO, of my male co-workers, on separate occasions, yes SEPARATE OCCASIONS, said, "your friend is cute. you two would make a cute couple. i have lesbian fantasies about you two getting together." (and now that i think about it, desert storm made similar remarks about me and the older sibling a couple years back.)

exhibit b: the other night, i was talking to a guy who i kinda dated in the past. we were trying to figure out, in vague terms, if we should kinda date again. he concluded the conversation by saying, "i think you should get a lesbian girlfriend. then i could quit thinking about you...and i could think about THAT!"

well, isn't that a fine how do you do? a fine how do you do, indeed. thanks for nothing, fellas. i guess i'm gonna have to get my groove back WITH stella.

*during a drinks-after-work conversation, the subject turned to which celebrity we'd "do" if we were homosexual. i picked t-boz. i stand by that call. she's not the one who burned down her boyfriend's house right? nah, that was left-eye. t-boz, baby, a couple more months of this shit, and i may have to give you a ring.

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