2000-06-22 | 02:13:21

The Ten Commandments of Traffic

by B and L

I. Thou shalt not wait at a red light in the middle of the road (behind the limit line) and THEN turn thy blinker to make a left AFTER the light turns green, bastardith!

II. Thou shalt not slow to stop for a red light and then creep, creep, creep ever so slowly towards the limit line. Just drive there and stop, mothahumpa!

III. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's position in the fast lane and quickly swerve in front of him without signalling (a sub-commandment of the first commandment).

IV. Thou shalt not purposely accelerate in the slow lane and come bearing down on someoneth trying to get on or off the freeway in front of you.

V. Thou shalt not covet both lanes on a two-lane road and, thereforeth, not drive continuously in a manner that takes up both laneths.

VI. Thou shalt not have white hair and operate a vehicle.

VII. Thou shalt doubly not have blue hair and operate a vehicle.

VIII. Thou shalt not operate a vehicle if thy head cannot be seen over the top of thy headrest.

VIV. Thou shalt not operate a vehicle that holds more persons than are part of your immediate household (unless thou doesest useth it for carrying recreational or work-related equipment).

X. Thou shalt not think that thy minivan is equipped with a magical protective aura which will allow thou to change lanes without signaling, without logic, without consequences.

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