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2000-05-15 | 14:45:24

one night in college, during a dorm room discussion, my cliqu� of girlfriends and i decided that we needed to see some porn. i'm not sure who suggested the idea initially, but it was probably gina. she was the wild and crazy one of the group. she was the one who joked about "hot beef injections" and teased me about being too "apple pie."

so karina checked with her then-boyfriend (who lived in los angeles) to find out which porno theater would be the safest for four naive, nineteen-year-old girls to frequent. the word came down that a pussycat theater in the valley was the best choice for our needs and the plans were laid.

our college campus was about an hour from the big city, so this was to be quite an undertaking. a trek into the world of adult entertainment, as it were--in the valley, no less, the global capital of triple-X fun and frolic.

we pulled up in front of the theater, cased the red-velvet-curtained entrance, and then parked on a side street. as we approached the ticket window, we were all giggles and shivers of nervousness. karina handed the ticket guy a $20 and kept on walking into the lobby, too freaked out to remember her change.

"hey lady!" he beckoned. she squealed "oh no!" and ran back to get the money he shoved into her hand. after we had all paid the piper, we walked into the darkened theater. there was some kind of '70s-looking optic design spinning on the screen and some really bad '70s music playing on the sound system. i wonder if the house lights ever come up in a porno theater? something tells me no. there are things you just don't want to know. ask peewee.

we found seats and then the previews started. i just remember this shot of an orgy on an airplane. stuff was spewing everywhere...like fountains of unborn youth. pretty gross... and pretty amazing to my virgin eyes (remember, late bloomer). then our feature film presentation began. the title of this cinema treat was "my wife, the hooker." the premise of said pelicul� was that a housewife had become bored with her daily routine (natch) and decided to pick up some side work freelancing as a brothel employee (well, who can blame her?).

in one scene, the housewife "interviewed" with the house madame who insisted that she had to "check out" all the "new girls." the only other scene i remember was of a girl pleasuring herself with a bottle of hairspray. i was so worried the cap of it was going to come off inside of her, that's all i could think about. of course, she had left her front door ajar, so a passing neighborhood gent came in and said, "do you need any help with that?" (hey folks, did the program say pornography or CORNography?)

at one point, we four porn greenhorns decided to switch seats. there was someone behind us making odd noises and we felt uncomfortable. "don't go!" he called in a muffled voice as we got up to sneak across the aisle. ewwwww!!! run away! run away!

we hunched over and scurried up the aisle to the back of the theater. anonymous shadows of men dotted the seats. we couldn't find a place where we felt comfortable, so we just whispered in agreement that it was time to get the hell outta Dodge and ducked back into the lobby and then out the glass doors to a blustery burst of street air.

worried that some horny old man would try to follow us out, we began to run full bore down the street and then ducked into a neighboring liquor store, huffing and puffing until we thought the coast was clear.

what they say is true: you never forget your first time.

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take a peek at these - (c) 2000-2003 nictate:

health tip
2005-03-16

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2005-03-16

moving house
2004-11-19

quibbling with quitherfeather
2004-11-17

catcher in the wry
2004-11-16