2000-04-21 | 17:11:03

i would like my next automobile to be a small, white, utilitarian van with ladders on top. it should probably also have a couple of contrasting colored stripes down both sides. i would like to drive a vehicle like that because people would see me coming and think, "oh, she is going to fix something. there's something to be repaired or something to be installed, and she's the man for the job. everyone out of the way...capable person coming through!"

i think it would be cool to park that van in my driveway at home. people would go by and think, "hey, a hard-working american lives there! way to use that elbow grease, sister!" also, i could probably get away with parking in places that normal cars wouldn't be allowed to park, like the red curb in front of stores. even security personnel would see that white paint and those shiny metal ladders and say, "hey, that's ok for her to park there. she's on the job! making america work!" it would probably also help if i had a couple of orange pylons to place in front and back of my van. no one would mess with me then! you would be amazed at the clout an orange pylon carries. no one questions an orange pylon. NO ONE!

i would also have a "driver carries no cash" sticker on the back window. that would be the capper, man.

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